Open Post: Hosted By Flossie, The World’s Oldest Living Cat

Introducing Flossie, the current Guinness World Record-holder for the oldest living cat at 26 years and 316 days, to be precise. Flossie, who has since turned 27, was recently adopted by Vicki Green, who got her from Cats Protection, a British kitty charity. Cats Protection employee Naomi Rosling says she was “flabbergasted” when Flossie’s vet records revealed she was almost 27. Vicki says she knew Flossie was special but had no clue she’d be sharing her home with world record holder. Suuure. Vicki probably scoured the Internet looking for the oldest cat possible, all in a sick attempt to be a part of a Guinness World record. Sweetie, if you want a record that badly, go see Spider-Man 292 times in theaters like a normal person!

Here is beautiful Flossie’s dramatic backstory: picture it, Liverpool, 1995! Flossie was a months-old stray kitten who lived in a colony of cats close to the Merseyside Hospital. Some hospital workers took pity on the kitties, and each decided to adopt one. Flossie lived happily with her owner until they passed away 10 years later. Sad. After that, Flossie was taken in by her owner’s sister. 14 years later, her second owner also passed away. At the time of her second owner’s death, Flossie was 24 years old. Her late owner’s son took her in, but after three years, he realized he wasn’t the best person to take care of Ol’ Floss. So he made the difficult decision to give the kitty to Cats Protection:

“It wasn’t an easy decision,” says Naomi Rosling at Cats Protection. “He sought our help when it was in Flossie’s best interests. Responsible cat ownership is when someone thinks about an animal’s needs above their feelings.”

When older or disabled kitties are put up for adoption, there’s a good chance they won’t find a home. But Flossie found a new momma in Vicki Green, who says, “I’ve always wanted to give older cats a comfortable later life.“ Vicki explains that, sometimes, Flossie misses her litter box or needs help grooming herself, but “we’re in this together.” Oh, Vicki. I’m sorry for joking that you were an attention-obsessed show mom. You’re a saint! A SAINT!

Flossie is deaf and mostly blind but also playful and loves cuddles. Here’s Guinness’ video about Flossie:

If Flossie wants to become the oldest living cat of all time, she’ll have to make it to 38 years and three days. That was the record-breaking age of Creme Puff, a Texas kitty who lives from 1967 to 2005. Hopefully, Vicki sticks around long enough to be Flossie’s momma for the rest of her life. Unless… wait. Wait! Flossie’s first two owners died under mysterious circumstances (they didn’t, but let’s pretend they did for this joke). And maybe her third owner put her up for adoption because he feared for his life. Is Saint Vicki… in danger?? Let’s take a closer look at that header pic, shall we? Computer, enhance!

Holy crap. Look at that claw trying to dig into Vicki’s shoulder. Flossie’s not sweet and affectionate! She’s evil and murderous! And with every human kill, she extends her feline life. By the time Flossie beats Creme Puff’s all-time record, she’ll have gone through at least two more owners! Godspeed, Saint Vicki. I hope your house doesn’t have any steep staircases.

Pic: YouTube