Who Is August’s Hot Slut Of The Month?
September is almost over, but the month cannot end without us crowning August’s Hot Slut grand champion. No, seriously, the earth would stop spinning if I didn’t burp up a post titled “And August’s Hot Slut Of The Month Is…” This month’s HSOTM battle royale is a random potpourri of hotness from a late-90s commercial star to a Don’t Give A Fuck legend to three furry heroes to an ASL superstar. As always, the first three HSOTM finalists got the most Facebook likes and the fourth was picked by me. Since I’m a disciple of the Church of Ho Shit, I had to go with the sign language artiste who taught all of us how to sign “I wanna gag, I wanna choke.” Your choices for August are:
Bob Wehadababyitsaboy, the collect call scammer from a 1999 Geico commercial who enraged (not really) us youth of the 90s by revealing our go-to scheme of collect calling our mom and saying our name was “ItsMichael McComePickMeUpAtTheSearsPartOfTheMall.”
The Badass Street Ruler Of Bolton, the pussy in North West England who stood their ground in the middle of the street and refused to let some human peasant driver tell them to get out of the way so he could drive on through. I’m sure that magnificent gatekeeper is still standing in the middle of the road and the city finally gave in and named the street Don’t Try It Way.
Eros, Mira, and Mya, the doggy lifeguards of Italy who helped save 14 people from drowning when strong winds made the ocean rough. And I respect them too much as heroes to humanity to make a “ruff” ocean pun.
Kelly Kurdi, the ASL interpreter who brilliantly interpreted WAP during Megan Thee Stallion’s performance at Lollapolooza.
Voting is below. August’s HSOTM winner will be crowned a week from today on September 27!
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