Hilaria Baldwin’s Uterus Is Going To Need Career Counseling
Hello, everyone! I’m Natasha, I live in the Seattle area and just joined the writers’ room. Michael has chained my ankle to the stripper pole in the basement next to my busted little desk, so after churning out some totally-not-under-duress posts for you today, I’ll channel Pimp Mama Kris and work that pole while the other writers toss shiny trinkets that sadly only sound like coins. It’s hazing week, y’all. On to the post!
According to People, Hilaria Baldwin and the exhausted, dehydrated peen attached to her husband, Alec Baldwin, are totally finished brewing the majority of the next generation in her magical fetus cave.
via People:
“I’ve said in the past that I was done when I wasn’t done. I think, right now, I’m so tired. And I feel, just with COVID, it’s just insanity.”
Before she can finish, Alec, 62, chimes in, “We’re oh-so-done.” With a laugh, Hilaria replies to her husband, “I want to ask you that in two hours, and we’ll see what you say. I’ll ask you in two hours.”
As recently as September of this year (which admittedly feels like a century ago), Alec grunted that Hilaria was not quite finished and was trying for another girl even though he’s done. Last week on Instagram, she posted this:
The Baldwins have five children together: 7-year-old Carmen, 5-year-old Rafael, 4-year-old Leonardo, 2-year-old Romeo, and 2-month-old Eduardo. Alec’s 25-year-old daughter, Ireland Baldwin, is far too old to fill in as daughter #2 and satisfy Hilaria’s unstoppable urge to serial-usher squirmy newborns into the world, but for all we know, she may have tried.
All Hilaria and Alec can barf up here is a pile of mixed messages as usual. Crispy, crunchy Alec has looked fork-sticking-done for years now and, at 62, has long since entered his “shakes fist at sky” phase of life (instead of “shakes more loaded spermsicles at Hilaria”). This is the golden phase we’re all looking forward to and really, he should just embrace it at this point. Poor guy is trying, but 36-year-old Hilaria’s yoga-toned, contortionist uterus has a mind of its own.
My bet is another fetal round of #occupyhilaria before the end of 2021, but first 2020 has to come to a screeching halt, and we all know how that’s progressing.
Pic: Instagram