If anyone was going to reboot Home Alone, I would have guessed either horror director Eli Roth, or the studio that makes the Saw films. Because who else would want to tackle a Christmas-themed movie about a sadistic, sociopathic child who hates his family and takes gleeful pleasure in torturing two desperate petty thieves (as well as an innocent minimum wage-earning teenage pizza boy, let’s not forget that part)? Well apparently the Disney’s into it.
Disney recently acquired Fox, which means Disney now owns all Fox properties, including films made by 20th Century Fox. According to Entertainment Weekly, Disney CEO Bob Iger announced yesterday that they plan to “reimagine” some Fox properties for their new streaming service Disney+. Bob mentioned some titles that are getting the “reimaginging” treatment are Night at the Museum, Cheaper by the Dozen, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, and the biggest upset of all, Home Alone. Let’s all slap our hands to the sides of our faces and let out an uncomfortable scream together. Whether you choose to wear only a bath towel is up to you.
Bob Iger wouldn’t say if this new Home Alone would be a movie or a series, and it’s not known if it will have anything to do with the original 1990 film made by 20th Century Fox, or the 1992 sequel, Home Alone: Lost in New York. Or the confusing stand-alone film Home Alone 3. Or the direct-to-video Home Alone 4: Taking Back the House, or made-for-ABC Family Home Alone: The Holiday Heist. But considering the fist two were the money makers, it’s likely Disney wants to reboot those.
Home Alone was made for $18 million and made almost $477 million at the box office. Adjusted for inflation from 1990 dollars, that’s nearly a billion dollars. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York made a little less ($359 million), but you can’t argue that it wasn’t a huge hit. It made Macaulay Culkin a massive star, and the two movies are holiday staples.
Disney’s plan is probably to reboot the first Home Alone, but there’s no way they’re going to try to follow canon and get the original cast back. Macaulay Culkin already gave us grown-up Kevin McCallister, so he’s done that. Catherine O’Hara is too busy getting nominated for Emmys. John Candy, John Heard, and Kevin’s elderly snow-shoveling neighbor have all passed away. Plus, there’s no way Harry and Marv are still living after suffering as much chronic bone damage and severe internal bleeding as they have.
My suggestion would be to skip the first film and just remake the second. It could really use some metaphorical paint and spackle. There’s the jokes about Uncle Frank’s dick, Kevin straight-up attempts to murder Harry and Marv (after he commits blatant credit card fraud). At one point, Kevin creepily grabs a woman on the street. To be fair, he probably learned it from one of the guests at The Plaza.
Pic: 20th Century Fox