Rooney Mara And Joaquin Phoenix Might Be Engaged

May 29, 2019 / Posted by:

Sibling rivalry, thy name is Mara. The day after her sister Kate Mara announced the birth of her daughter with Jamie Bell, Rooney Mara decided to don her best flannel and parade around Los Angeles wearing a big fat diamond ring. Last summer there were reports that Rooney and her man Joaquin Phoenix were never going to get married because marriage is “too mainstream” and doesn’t fit their holistic, vegan lifestyle. But now it seems as if Rooney’s looking at that greasy salami we call matrimony that her sister is munching on, and it’s making her hongray.

According to People:

The actress, 34, was photographed wearing a large diamond ring on her left hand while in Los Angeles on Friday while she was running errands in a black T-shirt, jeans and a sweatshirt tied around her waist.

So much for alternative values. That’s a Real Housewives Of Malibu Colony sized diamond ring. I did a little digging because I was very curious about these Mara girls. Like, how did these two siblings, who seem to be in direct competition for glum supremacy, light Hollywood aflame? In case you didn’t know, Kate and Rooney’s parents are titans of professional American football. Their mom’s family, The Rooneys (one got mom’s maiden name for a first name, maybe that’s how the rivalry got started) founded the Pittsburgh Steelers, and their dad’s family founded the NY Giants. By birthright these Mara girls are supposed be blond and chirpy. Instead they seem to have worked really hard to appear aloof and possibly European.

In a way it makes perfect sense that Rooney would gravitate towards Joaquin. He’s the antithesis of carefree wealth and fame. He’s angsty wealth and fame! What better way to mask her “Rah-Rah” roots then to get with a guy who probably sounds like he’s passing a kidney stone every time he tries to show enthusiasm. More like “Raahaaawrr-Raahaaawrr”.

But the appearance of that ring makes me wonder if she’s going to be able to keep her roots at bay. First it’s the diamond engagement ring. Next thing you know she’s getting highlights and sending the sheets out to be laundered right under Joaquin’s nose. Before you know it, she’ll be talking him into reading a rom-com script about a slubby football coach who falls for the owner’s perky daughter. Kate better watch herself or she’s going to become the one and only black sheep of the Rooney-Mara empire.


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