Joaquin Phoenix And Rooney Mara Are Totally Cohabitating

September 7, 2017 / Posted by:

Yesterday’s winners for Most Low-Key Hollywood Couple Confirming Coupledom, Katie Holmes and Jamie Foxx, can go right ahead and step back into whatever secretive hidey-hole they’ve been in, because there’s a new winner in town. The New York Times’ T-Magazine (via Page Six) has revealed that Joaquin Phoenix and not-so-secret lover Rooney Mara are certified roommates with benefits.

The profile, written by Bret Easton Ellis, casually drops in the news:

“He lives with Mara in the Hollywood Hills (he’s never been married and has no children), and is usually asleep by 9 pm and up at 6.”

Not a big shock since the two allowed themselves to be EXPOSED at Cannes earlier this year. Perhaps the most interesting thing about this is that Bret Easton Ellis, author of American Psycho, Less Than Zero, and countless other wildly unwholesome, coke, gore and kinky sex filled novels, would be interested in reporting about Joaquin’s early bed time.

I read the whole interview (and so can you), but honestly it’s a bit of a snooze fest. I much prefer the enigmatic I’m Still Here Joaquin to this Joaquin, who Bret describes as having a “dad bod.” But much like old Tay Tay, old Joaquin is also dead. Apparently new Joaquin just likes to putter around, smoke American Spirits,”chill” with his dog, and watch documentaries on Netflix. He doesn’t really even watch regular movies anymore.

When asked if any recent films have excited him, he thinks about it, stuck, and then answers, genuinely, surprising himself: “Moana! I thought it was beautiful.” (He later corrects himself and says it was actually The Lost City of Z, James Gray’s latest – Phoenix has starred in four of Gray’s seven films).

Ooops, he almost admitting to having popular tastes! Sorry, Joaquin, nobody can resist the charms of Lin-Manuel Miranda and The Rock. Not even YOU!


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