Birthday Sluts

Bret McKenzie (37)
Lily Rabe (31)
Katherine Jenkins (33)
Nicole Scherzinger (35)
Zuleikha Robinson (36)
Emily Skinner (43)
Judith Hoag (45)
Jamie Deen (46)
Melora Hardin (46)
Matthew Weiner (48)
Amanda Donohoe (51)
Sharon Lawrence (52)
Maria Conchita Alonso (56)
Fred Grandy (65)
Richard Lewis (66)
Gary Busey (69)
Robert Evans (83)

Alec Baldwin Tries To School Us On The Definition Of “Queen”

Alec Baldwin went full Alec Baldwin last night when he barfed out a thick stream of Twitterrhea at the Daily Mail’s George Stark after they accused his yoga teacher turned Extra reporter (???) Hilaria Baldwin of tweeting during James Gandolfini’s funeral. Since Alec calls every dude he’s mad at a “queen,” he called George a “toxic little queen” and said that he would stick his foot up George’s ass, but George would probably like it too much. Some stamped the word HOMOPHOBE in red on Alec’s forehead and screamed at Capital One to fire him, rebuke all his miles and cut up all his cards. When GLAAD asked Alec for explanation, he told those shifty shady queens to stop sticking their noses up his asshole even though he knows they really, really love it. No, Alec said that he’s not a homophobe:

“My ill-advised attack on George Stark of the Daily Mail had absolutely nothing to do with issues of anyone’s sexual orientation. My anger was directed at Mr. Stark for blatantly lying and disseminating libelous information about my wife and her conduct at our friend’s funeral service. As someone who fights against homophobia, I apologize.”

GLAAD gently slapped Alec on the wrist and told him that they’re disappointed, but as long as he keeps coming to their parties and dropping their name, they’ll love him forever.

Alec also told Gothamist that he doesn’t understand why some are saying that “queen” is an anti-gay slur, because to him anybody can be a queen. A chick can be a queen, a straight dude can be a queen and an animal can be a queen. If your cat is acting uppity, call it a vicious little snobby queen.

“Number two, the idea of me calling this guy a “‘queen’ and that being something that people thought is homophobic…a queen to me has a different meaning. It’s somebody who’s just above. It doesn’t have any necessarily sexual connotations. To me a queen… I know women that act queeny, I know men that are straight that act queeny, and I know gay men that act queeny. It doesn’t have to be a definite sexual connotation, or a homophobic connotation. To me those are people who think the rules don’t apply to them. This guy could blatantly lie, I mean blatantly lie about my wife on the internet and there are just no rules that apply to him, but that’s outrageous to me.”

Thanks for the lesson, Alec. Based on what Alec says, I guess he’s the supreme messy queen of all messy queens. And somewhere, Shia LaDouche is picking the fleas out of his beard while saying, “I tried to tell all of you whores. I tried to tell you!” 

And the Daily Mail admitted they made a mistake (well, they blamed it on a Twitter glitch), apologized to Alec and also said that they’re waiting for him to apologize to them. Ha. I love those toxic little queens at the Daily Mail. They really know how to pore the salt on Alec’s throbbing b-hole of rage.

Here’s Alec and Hilarious Baldwin at the opening of The Unavoidable Disappearance of Tom Durnin in NYC last night.

Pics: Wenn.com

Evening Crumbs

Mimi serves up some “barn baby of Elly May and the Cowardly Lion” glamour while performing during Macy’s Fourth of July Special – Lainey Gossip 

I would pull out my kidneys with my bare hands to hear the question and answer portion of the Miss Hooters International pageant – Hollywood Tuna

Kevin Fisher from Young and the Restless came out – Towleroad

Obviously, the Supreme Court knocked down DOMA just so Courtney Stodden would have a reason to shove her plastic iguana balls into a rainbow bikini – The Superficial

Scented erasers were my bath salts in the third grade – The Berry  

This picture makes sense since statues are usually the threesome partner of choice for trolls and giants – Drunken Stepfather

Everyone working on Natalie Portman’s new movie hates her  – Celebitchy

Since it’s summer, the “Hilary Duff Walks To Her Cars In Leggings” series is on hiatus and has been replaced with the “Hilary Duff Walks To Her Car In Shorty Shorts” series – Popoholic

Nurse Kim Zolciak’s baby is probably going to be born with a smoker’s coo – Reality Tea

In case you didn’t already know, the Beliebers are the Manson Girls to Justin Bieber’s Charles Manson – IDLYITW

Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve always pictured Raven from Drag Race as President Alma Coin – Jezebel

And Adele will scrape her hand tattoo off with her teeth when she finds out that Lana Del Rey has the same tattoo – ICYDK

More like, Pacific Rim ME – WOW Report

Mathew Morrison is going to be somebody’s husband – Just Jared

Strangely enough, this is also what it looks like when you give Prince Hot Ginge a beej – SOW

DOUSE IT IN HOLY WATER! – Moe Jackson

File this under: The 198,736th company to drop Paula Deen – Popsugar

File this under: The 198,737th company and 198,738th company to drop Paula Deen – I’m Not Obsessed

Open Post: Hosted By Bruce Jenner’s Middle Finger

Raw Sex For Your Eyes Week continues!

Yesterday I gave you a squirting Iggy Pop and now here’s Bruce Jenner fingering the paps in L.A. yesterday. Bruce’s titties sit up real nice when he gets mad.

Bruce was recently kicked out of Pimp Mama Kris’ Hidden Hills whore house to make room for Kim Kartrashian, Kanye and North West, so you’d  think he’d be doing cartwheels (I bet his titties looks spectacular when he does cart wheels) and skipping down the streets with glee over his newfound freedom, but he isn’t. Bruce is mad. Menopause is for real and it’s a for real bitch, because Bruce got mad with the Kartrashian’s best friends, the paparazzi, yesterday. Bruce called the cops.

Nobody was arrested, but the cops should’ve arrested Bruce after they looked at his hair and didn’t see the name Dorothy Hamill anywhere on his drivers license.

Pics: Splash

Nick Stahl Got Caught With Meth

Nick Stahl is back in a jail cell today after he and three others were caught using meth in a motel room in Hollywood, CA at around 5 this morning. Nick, whose face has been on a milk carton several times, was placed on a Code Brit Brit (aka 5150 hold) earlier this month because he was in a bad way. Nick told TMZ yesterday that he was happy he was forced into a hospital, because he needed help. And now here we are.

TMZ says that the cops knocked on the motel door this morning because they were doing a parole compliance check on of the people Nick was doing meth with. The cops killed the meth party and arrested all of them.

Last year, Nick’s ass went missing for a long time and his estranged wife said he was probably filling his body with the bad shit on Skid Row. Nick eventually turned up and checked into rehab only to check right out against doctor’s orders. Nick was also busted last December for doing himself in a private booth at a porn shop. I know, if you can’t do yourself in a private booth at a porn shop, where can you do yourself?

Nick will probably go to rehab again and hopefully he stays in there for a while. While he’s in there, they should show him the ass-to-ass scene from Requiem For A Dream on a loop since the ass-to-ass scene from Requiem For A Dream is the most effective anti-meth PSA ever.

Tom Cruise Did Cher Good, So Says Cher

Two years before Tommy Girl married Mimi Rogers and took his first steps in becoming one of Scientology’s highest-ranking bridge empresses, he screwed around with Cher for a minute. Tommy was a fetus-faced 23 year old and Cher was 39 years old with the skin of a couple of fetuses stapled to her face. Even though that was ten million faces ago for Cher, she still remembers it and squirts out a little barley syrup when she thinks of all the times the tips of Tommy’s toes rubbed against her inner thighs as he gave it to her missionary style.

On last night’s Watch What Happens Live (via People), Andy Cohen played a little game of Truth or Cher (I CAN’T!) with Cher and asked her who out of all her lovers (including Schonny Bono, David Geffen, Gregg Allman, Val Kilmer, etc….) was the best lover. Cher let that question marinate on her brain for a second before Andy Cohen asked her about Tommy. The boys in the Scientology bathhouse all screamed and snapped for Tommy when Cher said that he was in her top 5.

I really wish Andy Cohen had Cher on his show on Wednesday night and I really wish I would’ve seen it live. Because watching Cher tell Andy Cohen that Tommy Girl was one of her top 5 lovahs while wearing a Beetlejuice suit and sitting in front of Donny & Marie dolls would’ve been the greatest and gayest way to celebrate the fall of DOMA.

And here’s Cher (looking like the Queen of the Damned’s memaw), Andy Cohen and Susanne Bartsch at the opening night of Q Thursday at Marquee in NYC last night.

Pics: Splash