Brace Yourselves, Kim Kardashian Is Knocked Up With Kanye’s Baby And That Means The World Is Going To Explode

December 31, 2012 / Posted by:

You know how you were taking a walk on Sunday night and a drop of white goop fell on your forehead? You thought it was just a pigeon shitting from above. But nope, that wasn’t it. It was Pimp Mama Kris’ panty pudding flying out of her snatch after she learned that the STUNT QUEEN BABIES of all STUNT QUEEN BABIES is in her daughter’s womb. At his show in Atlantic City, Gay Fish announced that he put a baby in Kim Kardashian. The Mayans got it wrong. December 21, 2012 wasn’t supposed to be the last day of the world. It’s (insert the date that Kim butt births out her first born). I CAN’T even, so I’ll let E! News take it from here:

E! News has confirmed with the Kardashian family that Kim is expecting her first child with the rapper. But it was West who already spilled the exciting news to a few hundred concertgoers.

During his Atlantic City show on Sunday night, West decided to announce that Kim was expecting to all his fans. Kanye West says he “ain’t crazy.”

And the congratulatory tweets have already begun for the future parents. “Congrats to Kim and Kanye. Happy for both of them…,” Russell Simmons tweeted, while the Kardashians all showed their joy for the newest member of the family. “Im a happy girl !!!!!!!!! Wowza! Oh BABY BABY BABY,” Kris Jenner tweeted. Khlo√© Kardashian Odom wrote, “Keeping secrets is hard with so many family members! Especially when you are so freaking excited!!!!! LOVE is everything!!!!” Kourtney Kardashian also went to Twitter with, “Been wanting to shout from the rooftops with joy and now I can! Another angel to welcome to our family. Overwhelmed with excitement!”

Kim is about 12 weeks pregnant.

12 weeks?! That means Kim Kartrashian is going to birth out a baby about the same time as Duchess Kate is going to push out the future Queen of King of England. Oh here go hell come. We should all say goodbye to oxygen, because Kim’s ass is going to get so HUGE that it’s going to take over most of the world and all of our faces will be pressed against he earth’s surface when she reaches her last trimester.

And well, now we know that you can get knocked up from letting your piece piss on your ass. And I bet the Illuminati’s chosen one will be named King Kimye. Lord help us all! Jesus take the bedazzled wheel.

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