Picture it. Las Vegas, 2018. Tara Reid, halter top askew and her little dog peeking mournfully out of her shoulder bag, is sort of leaning to one side at the craps table. And over yonder in the distance, she spots something. It’s HER. “Ishat me?” she angrily scream. It is her. She’s emblazoned on the side of a giant Sharknado slot machine! And looking fresher than she’s looked in, well, since walking into the audition for The Big Lebowski in 1997? “I dint ok that! I’ll shue those bassards!” Tara screams. And promptly falls under the craps table. (Don’t worry, the little dog managed to leap to safety.)
It’s true. Tara’s suing the Sharknado franchise producers (Asylum Entertainment and SYFY Media Productions) for unlawfully using her image. And she’s suing for $100 million.
Tara Reid Claims She Wasn’t Kicked Off A Flight, She Left After They Wouldn’t Let Her Sit With Her Dog
Yesterday, TMZ reported that Tara Reid was kicked off of a Delta Airlines flight for acting like an entitled twat. Those reports are NOT TRUE, says Tara Reid! Despite the testimony of several eyewitnesses, and video evidence of the event, Tara claimed in an Extra interview (followed up with a lengthy Instagram message “to whom it may concern”), that she decided to pack up her little dog and bounce of her accord because they wouldn’t let Beso Reid, who is a registered emotional support dog, sit next to her on the flight. Tara also claimed that a flight attendant suggested she put Beso Reid in an overhead bin, like Kokito Robledo (RIP), the Frenchie who died after being put in an overhead bin. She then busted out a mouth harp and gave a stirring rendition of The Coasters’ 1959 hit “Charlie Brown”. Fee fee, fye fye, fo fo, fum, I smell smoke in the auditorium…
Tara Reid may not be able to book any acting jobs that don’t include co-starring with deadly CGI sharks, but she can still afford a commercial flight on Delta Airlines for some reason. Although I guess she can’t afford to act like a normal person, because even though she has a basic cable bank account, she has a Scarlett Johansson attitude.
The Sharknado films (I just did my charity work for the rest of the year by referring to Sharknado as a film) are an extra-salty mess that will fill your eyes with questionable-looking creatures and your ears with pure nonsense. Someone at Syfy should give Tara Reid a little coffee mug that reads “Most On Brand,” because today she gave a truly confusing mess of an interview with the Australian morning show Today Extra. I’m guessing that the viewers of Today Extra didn’t think Tara was going to take the title literally and start today off with an extra-messy interview.
It’s a dark day for cartoonishly bad CGI sharks, movie title puns, and the bank accounts belonging to Tara Reid and Ian Ziering. Entertainment Weekly says that SyFy isn’t making anymore Sharknado movies after its sixth one. The tornado made of live sharks and somewhat-alive careers will stop spinning and dump everything back into the ocean where it first began. The makers of Sharknado 6 tweeted yesterday that it will be released in August.
— Sharknado (@SharknadoSYFY) March 29, 2018
Both Ian Ziering and Tara Reid will return, as will Vivica A. Fox and Cassie Scerbo. EW says the plot of Sharknado 6 involves time travel. The fifth one, Sharknado 5: Global Swarming, involved Fin’s son Gil getting sucked into a massive sharknado and the subsequent destruction of the world. Basically, they’re going to go back and prevent the sharknados from ever happening. It also ended with Ian Ziering’s character meeting up with Dolph Lundgren, which means you can probably expect to see He-Man and Steve Sanders fighting…I don’t know, tornadoes filled with Nazi sharks?
I just hope that one of the things they do while they’re back in time is make a pit stop in 2001 and warn Tara Reid – actual Tara Reid – that unless she wants to do something called Andy the Talking Hedgehog, she might want to start screening Paris Hilton’s calls. At the very least they should tell her to lay off the unfiltered Marlboros. And when she asks why, they can pull out a should play her a recording of her truck-driving-through-a-gravel-pit voice from present day. That’s a better wake-up call than any Charles Dickens ghost.
Taradise, we barely knew ye. It’s been so long since I’ve seen Meryl Streep successor Tara Reid here on Dlisted that I was beginning to worry about her. Had she quit the biz, and turned to her true calling – the drunk lady at table #15 at the Ruby Tuesday’s off the highway in Hackensack, NJ? No – she’s still kicking! Coming off her highly acclaimed work in the Sharknado quadrology, Tara immediately took a roll in future Criterion Classic Andy The Talking Hedgehog. That howling laughter you hear coming from Donnie Wahlberg’s house is Jenny McCarthy. (Luckily for her, she turned the role down.)