One of the most famous girls of the 90s, Blossom has a very important message for people who call anyone too old to wear a Blossom hat a “girl.” Last Thursday, Mayim Bialik posted a video on her YouTube channel with some thoughts on the matter called Girl vs. Woman: Why Language Matters. Mayim’s expertise in language clearly doesn’t lie in the language of YouTube videos, otherwise she’d know you’re required to start by saying: “Hey everyone, welcome back to my channel!”
Mayim really doesn’t like it when people refer to women in what Mayim calls “that super-narrow age range between 5-years-old and 55-years-old” as “girls.” Mayim’s teachable moment came after she was in a bar with two of her 40-year-old guy friends, and one of them called someone a “girl.” Mayim points out that adult men are seldom called “boys“, which sets up an unintentional imbalance and makes women seem inferior.
“When we use words to describe adult women that are typically used to describe children, it changes the way we view women, even unconsciously, so that we don’t equate them with adult men. In fact, it implies that they are inferior to men.”
She adds that calling a grown-ass woman a “girl” is outdated and insensitive, and that we know better now.
I’m with Mayim on this one. But that’s not to say it doesn’t come at a “be careful what you wish for” price. There’s something about hearing an employee at McDonald’s shout “this woman wants three extra slices of cheese on her cheeseburger” that is just so much more humiliating. It’s like a shady one-word way to tell someone they’re too old to still be treating their body like a dumpster. I really don’t need strangers to remind me of that.
A couple of years ago, Jim Parsons, Kaley Cuoco, and Johnny Galecki of The Big Bang Theory crossed over into Friends territory when they started making $1 million an episode. Eventually two more main cast members, Kunal Nayyar and Simon Helberg, got cut in on the $1 million an episode jackpot. Paycheck negotiations have started again, and this time the negotiators are Mayim Bialik and Melissa Rauch (aka Sheldon’s girlfriend and Howard’s wife).
Because why decide on just one when you can help yourself to both? Kate Hudson wanted it all: underboob, underwear, sequined black censor bars, a giant flower putting another flower in a choke-hold, fancy little capes for her shoulders. Kate pulled up to fashion’s drive-thru speaker and ordered everything on the menu.
Razzie nominee Kate Hudson was at the SAG Awards last night as a presenter, which might be why she went red carpet casual by wearing a Dior dress with boxers underneath. If she tries to conceal her underwear by pulling her dress up higher, she’s gonna flash a whole lot of nipple. If she tries to cover up her underboob by pulling her top down a little, she’s going to show tons of underwear. Ha, listen to me – acting like Goldie’s thirsty daughter would ever be concerned with covering up an underboob situation.
Hints of glittery titty was a bit of a theme last night.
Mayim Bialik, the grown-up hat-less version of Blossom, took a break from hissing at toddler-faced jailbait-looking baby stripper Ariana Grande Latte to put some damn clothes on to take a swipe at Disney’s Frozen. But what could Blossom possibly hate about Frozen? Well, besides hearing “Let It Go” for the 4,97,246th time. Am I forgetting a scene where Elsa ditches her dress for a pair of hot pants and some hooker heels and grinds against Olaf’s carrot?
No. Apparently Blossom hates Frozen because there wasn’t enough of a Feminism message, but also there was too much male-bashing. Blossom explained on Kveller (via UsWeekly) that she HATED Frozen with the fire of a thousand burning Blossom hats for three reasons:
1. She hated that Elsa’s sister Anna’s identity was tied up in trying to land a man
2. She hated that Prince Hans turns out the be a lie-telling double-crossing scheming asshole, thus teaching little girls not to trust men
3. She hated that Elsa and Anna looked like dolls
Damn, she got all that from a children’s movie about a chick who makes snow with her hands? I guess that’s why she has a PhD and I have a fake diploma printed on the back of a menu from a college-themed restaurant called Pasta Academy (I majored in deliciousness with a minor in all-you-can-eat breadsticks).
I sort of get what she’s saying. Yes, Elsa and Anna look like they were conceived during a messy night at the Mattel factory between a skinny piece of plastic and a giant eye, and yes, Anna wants a ring on her goddamn finger ASAP so she can live happily ever after. But that’s because this is a Disney movie! Complaining about that is like walking into John Travolta’s wiglet closet (it’s a big closet) and getting pissed that it’s filled with fake hair.
But was it really male-bashing to make Prince Hans an asshole? Aren’t most Princes massive pricks? (“HOW DARE YOU” – Michael K, clutching a framed picture of Prince Hot Ginge).
I know – I really should have said “A-List human flamingo Frankie Grande’s mega mega popstar sister“, because otherwise how would you know who I was talking about?
Mayim Bialik recently wrote a blog post for the Jewish parenting blog Kveller (via HuffPo) titled “The Problem With That Giant Billboard Of Ariana Grande” where she came for professional sexy baby Ariana Grande Latte (seen here looking like a come-to-life Bratz Babyz doll) and a billboard featuring Ariana in her underwear. Blossom decided to call a preschool-looking stripper out after she drove past a black and white billboard for Ariana’s new album My Everything with her sons in the car and noticed that their poor innocent eyes were being assaulted by a giant picture of Ariana’s half-naked toddler bod:
“Based on the billboard, she sells lingerie. Or stiletto heels. Or plastic surgery because every woman over 22 wishes she has that body, I’m sure. Why is she in her underwear on this billboard though? And if she has a talent (is she a singer?), then why does she have to sell herself in lingerie? I mean, I know that society is patriarchal and women are expected to be sexy and sexually available no matter what we do in society, but I guess now I need to explain that to my sons?”
She also took a prude-swipe at a billboard for Showtime’s Masters of Sex and a steamy Levi’s commercial that played in the theater before a screening of Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. Of course, you can read everything Blossom said over at Kveller.com, or you can save yourself a couple minutes and watch this clip of Helen Lovejoy instead (it’s pretty much the same thing).
But I still don’t understand why Blossom had such a hard time explaining that billboard of Ariana Grande in her Huggies Lil’ Hoochies to her sons. Aren’t little kids always stripping down to their underwear? Just say it’s an ~artsy~ picture of a 4-year-old playing dress-up in mommy’s high heels. And if they don’t believe that, then tell them it’s an ad for no-tears toddler shampoo. Trust me, it will work – Ariana is like 90% hair.
But what I really want to hear are Joey’s thoughts on breastfeeding, and maybe to the tune of Nothing my Love Can’t Fix (“Oh-oh-ohhh/There’s nothing my leche can’t fix for you, baby”). Except knowing my weird Twilight Zone luck, I’d get Blossom’s alcoholic brother Tony’s thoughts on breastfeeding.
In an interview with HuffPo Live (via E! Online) on Friday, Mayim Bialik was once again forced to defend that picture of her breastfeeding her Justin Bieber-sized kid on the subway, because it’s not like she has anything better to talk about, like a hit TV show or Emmy nominations or her PhD or anything like that:
“That was not a weak moment of parenting but a conscious decision of, ‘I have the best way to make this child happy and content right now,” she said. Bialik then credited the Jewish parenting site Kveller with providing “a safe place for me to speak up to the thousands and thousands of women who parent this way who get people harassing them all the time, and people looking at us funny in every department store or wherever else we nurse.”
She also went on to say that unless the pair of boobs you’re staring at are attached to a woman in a neon pink g-string and french tip acrylics, you shouldn’t be getting a boner:
“Our culture has a very, very bizarre relationship with breasts. Breastfeeding is not a sexual act. It’s an intimate act, and that makes some people uncomfortable, but it’s completely normal to have all of the human hormones that are released when you breastfeed regulating your relationship with your child.”
In case you’re still not sure what to do when you see a woman’s boobs in public, ask yourself this: Do they have a baby attached to them? If the answer is Yes, then don’t stare. And if the answer is No, don’t fucking stare at those either, you creep. Go home and look up tits on the internet like everyone else. There. The End. Can we please tuck this discussion into bed and sneak downstairs to watch Beyond Scared Straight with a frosty mug full of Boone’s Farm now?
Here’s more of La Leche League’s hardest working ho arriving at The Today Show yesterday. I haven’t even seen the interview she gave, but I’d be willing to blindly put money on a question about breastfeeding: