Some Of Us Will Have To Get Up Before 4 In The Morning On A Saturday To Watch Prince Hot Ginge Get Married

February 12, 2018 / Posted by:

And that commemorative spoon is the perfect thing to gag myself with while watching Prince Hot Ginge marry another!

Kensington Palace continued to slowly milk out every detail about PHG and Meghan Markle’s wedding today by announcing what time she’ll begin strutting down the aisle at St George’s Chapel to suck on her new husband’s face while throwing all of us a “Stay mad, ugly whores” look. Kensington Palace announced that the second biggest British royal wedding of the century (the first being Katie Price’s wedding with Peter Andre, duh) will start at noon London times on Saturday, May 19. That’s 4am my time. That means that the workers at my nearest Krispy Kreme should expect to find a drunken, bawling gay pounding at their door at around 5:15 and begging to be let in early so he can drown his sad insides with doughnut batter.

Kensington Palace says that after the 1-hour-long wedding, Prince Hot Ginge and Duchess Meghan will get into a carriage and rub their rich royal love into everyone’s lonely, miserable, poor faces in a procession that starts at Windsor Castle and ends at Windsor Castle. It’s basically just a carriage ride to nowhere that is solely happening so they can smugly show off how rich, royal and happy they are. I would hate on Meghan for that, but I can’t. If PHG promised to hump on me for the rest of his days in front of GOD, I would regularly take processions around the block just to smile at everyone and let them know how happy I am that PHG promised to hump on me for the rest of his days in front of GOD.

Here’s the announcement from Kensington Palace:

The Daily Mail claims that only Meghan Markle’s closest family members will be invited, so that means her messy half-sister Samantha Markle probably won’t get an invite.

Because of that little bit of info, I take back my hate over their carriage procession. I’m glad it’s going to happen, because it’ll be a nice change in mood when I go from crying my retinas off over PHG betraying our real love (it’s real in my head, okay) to laughing when Samantha Markle gets hit with fish and chips (that’s British for tasering) by the bobbies while chasing after the royal carriage.

Pic: Wenn.com

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