As Expected, The Royals Are Milking Every Last Drop Out Of Prince Hot Ginge And Meghan Markel’s Wedding 

November 28, 2017 / Posted by:

Believe it or not, I didn’t create that opulent commemorative mug (for your tears) so that I could shadily spell Meghan’s name wrong. But kudos to the bitter shady bitch who did (it was Pippa).

Usually, writing the words, “milking every last drop out of Prince Hot Ginge,” would make me tingle out of my sweatpants, but not this time. Back in the olden days, when those lesser royals (Prince TheBalderOne and Duchess WhoCaresSheAintMeghanMarkle) got engaged, they dragged out the wedding details longer than a Marvel movie marketing campaign. So of course, they’re going to do the same with Prince Hot Ginge and Meghan Markle’s wedding. Yesterday, the Royal Family said that the wedding would happen sometime in the spring. Today, they announced that it will happen sometime in May 2018. Tomorrow, they will announce that it will happen on a weekday sometime in May 2018. On Thursday, they will announce that it will happen on a weekday during the second, third or fourth week of May 2018. Soap opera producers should hire the Royal Family PR team, because they can stretch out a story arc like no other.

Kensington Palace tweeted out the news that PHG and Meghan will get married at some chapel at Windsor Castle in May. The really good news for Meghan’s parents is that they don’t have to sell their internal organs to try to raise the $30 million needed for that lavish ass royal wedding. The Royal Family will dip into their vault of gold and diamonds to pay for the church service and reception. Morrissey will be glad to know that the public will pay for wider security.

The Guardian says that Meghan will also become a British citizen and will be baptized and confirmed into the Church of England before getting married. In 1936, the Church of England clutched their bibles when a royal married an American divorcee. But this time around, the Church is okay with a royal marrying a sinful American divorcee. Kensington Palace hasn’t said what Meghan’s title will be. They’re apparently still working that out. But Meghan will probably become the Duchess of Sussex. That fits, because it sort of sounds like the Duchess of SuckIt, which is short for the Duchess of SuckItYouPiecesOfJealousTrash!

The future Duke and Duchess of SuckIt will continue to rub their love in our lonely, bitter faces when they smile and shake hands at a World AIDS Day charity event this Friday.

Speaking of professional charity event goers, Duchess IForgotHerNameAlready worked an event at The Foundling Museum in London today and she just so happened to stumble upon a reporter who asked about the ROYAL WEDDING OF THE CENTURY! No, not hers. No one cares about that anymore. She was asked about PHG and Meghan’s engagement. This clip should really be certified organic, because it is so natural and not-at-all staged.

That Duchess is a pro! You could barely tell that inside she was thinking to herself, “Blimey! This ugly Little House on the Prairie shit I’m wearing better sell out faster than Meghan’s engagement dress did or I ain’t getting that Christmastimes bonus!


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