When I think Drew Barrymore, I think of child rehab, Charlie’s Angels, daisies, and the term “hopeless romantic” (her words). Hence all the failed marriages. Number one was way back in ’95, to bar owner Jeremy Thomas. They broke up after two months. Then she got hitched to Tom Green (pictured above in all his Canuck goateed glory), and that survived five months (improvement!). Her third husband was art consultant/son of the former CEO of Chanel (oo la la!) Will Kopelman,. Will is also the father of her two daughters, Olive, 7, and Frankie, 6. They lasted an entire presidential term: 2012-2016, which is eons in Barrymore marriage time. According to math, patterns, and exponents, 45-year-old Drew’s next marriage should last roughly fifty years. But she insists she’s done with that shit.
Less than three weeks after she walked down to the courthouse and slipped some divorce papers in the slot marked “DEAD MARRIAGES” (that’s how it works, right?), Drew Barrymore is officially divorced from her third husband Will Kopelman. Page Six says their divorce was finalized in Manhattan. It was an uncontested divorce, which means there was no messy fight over money or custody of their two children, Olive and Frankie. A source says that’s exactly how Drew and Will wanted it.
Lispy wonder Drew Barrymore pulled the trigger on her divorce. The New York Daily News (via People) reports that the 41-year-old filed in Manhattan Supreme Court yesterday to nix her marriage to “That Guy” (aka art dealer Will Kopelman, 39). The couple got together in 2011, got married in 2012, and have two daughters, Olive, 3, and Frankie, 2.
It’s Drew’s third time visiting the divorce ranch but, in her defense, this one seemed pretty solid. Comparatively, she was married to her first husband for basically an afternoon. Her novelty marriage to Tom Green ended after a year and change, just as his cameo in Charlie’s Angels hit the screen. Oddly (for Hollywood), the proceedings look like they’re going to be drama-free. Drew scrawled “uncontested” in the space that asks “Will you two be gnawing on each other’s jugular veins like creatures that escaped from a secret government laboratory?” on the form.
The couple released a joint statement to People back in April that’s kind of eloquent and makes me sad for them. I know they’re probably sobbing on enormous bags of money, but the ultra-rich have the feelings, too!
“Sadly our family is separating legally, although we do not feel this takes away from us being a family,” they said. “Divorce might make one feel like a failure, but eventually you start to find grace in the idea that life goes on.”
Wistful. They also added that their daughters would be their priority for “the rest of their lives.”
It’s depressing for us as a people that the general lack of crazy comes off as refreshing. I know, I’m very naive. Next week he’ll be grabbing at that Gertie from E.T. money, and she’ll send her current boyfriend to beat his ass in the driveway as retaliation.