Soookeh And Bill Are Getting Married

Spokeswhores for both Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer tell People that the two are going to go down the aisle, kiss in front of a preacher and do all that wedding stuff, because they are engaged. I hope that when they are pronounced vampire and telepath, Stephen turns to everyone and declares, “Sookeh iz mahn!” And then Sookie will sigh and say, “Awwww Beeehl.” Seriously, their Southern accents are the best. By the “best,” I mean the worst. Anyway…..

27-year-old Anna and 39-year-old Stephen first met on the set of True Blood. They somehow fell in love between filming scenes of them making fake bloody love to each other. Their reps say they started dating on February 24th (SO EXACT!).

Stephen has two children from another relationship. There’s been a few rumors that Stephen dropped his old piece to pick up Anna. If that’s the case, come on down, Anna! Sienna Miller would like to proudly welcome you into the Bull Dozer Vagina Club!

P.S. – Doesn’t Stephen Moyer look totally differenct without his face covered in white flour, translucent foundation (shade: Nicole Kidman) and geisha snot?

The Emmy Nominations: True Blood ROBBED!

Once a-fuckin-gain, True Blood has been screwed over (not and in a sexy way)! Last year, the Golden Globes gave True Blood a big slice of FU pie and now the Emmy whores have served up a second piece.

The Emmy nominations were announced this morning and True Blood failed to get nominated in any of the major categories. Who does a bitch have to glamour in order to get at least one big nomination?! Even Lafayette’s nalgas should have been nominated. I mean, they probably gave a better performance than William Shatner and his pepaw ass got nominated AGAIN for Boston Legal. They even overlooked Randi Sue from True Blood and that trick got effed in an alleyway while Tara poured trash all over her head. It was a truly inspired performance!

I’ll have to work on a letter to all Emmy voters asking them why they are prejudiced against vampires…..and hot whores who get dicked in alleyways. Breeeeeathe. Anyway….

The Family Guy got nominated for Outstanding Comedy Series making it the first cartoon since The Flinstones to get a nomination. Lisa Simpson is giving the meanest shank-eye ever.

In prettier Emmy news, 30 Rock got the most nominations with 22. And Katherine HAGel was not nominated even through she tried to bring the raw emotion in a big way. HA. HA. HA. and HA. Unfortunately, the Emmys don’t have a”Worst Annoying Hagface Who is Made Entirely of Nicotine” category, because Hagel would be a shoo-in for that one (GONG!).

A list of some of the major nominations is after the jump. Click here to see a full list. JUMP!!!

Outstanding Comedy Series
30 Rock
Entourage
Family Guy
Flight Of The Conchords
How I Met Your Mother
The Office
Weeds

Outstanding Drama Series
Big Love
Breaking Bad
Damages
Dexter
House
Lost
Mad Men

Outstanding Guest Actor In A Comedy Series
Steve Martin – 30 Rock
Jon Hamm – 30 Rock
Alan Alda – 30 Rock
Beau Bridges – Desperate Housewives
Justin Timberlake – Saturday Night Live

Outstanding Guest Actor In A Drama Series
Edward Asner – CSI: NY
Ted Danson – Damages
Jimmy Smits – Dexter
Ernest Borgnine – ER
Michael J. Fox – Rescue Me

Outstanding Guest Actress In A Comedy Series
Jennifer Aniston – 30 Rock
Elaine Stritch – 30 Rock
Gena Rowlands – Monk
Betty White – My Name Is Earl
Tina Fey – Saturday Night Live
Christine Baranski – The Big Bang Theory

Outstanding Guest Actress In A Drama Series
Sharon Lawrence – Grey’s Anatomy
Ellen Burstyn – Law & Order: SVU
Brenda Blethyn – Law & Order: SVU
Carol Burnett – Law & Order: SVU
CCH Pounder – The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency

Outstanding Host For A Reality Program
Ryan Seacrest – American Idol
Tom Bergeron – Dancing with the Stars
Heidi Klum – Project Runway
Jeff Probst – Survivor
Phil Keoghan – The Amazing Race
Padma Lakshmi & Tom Colicchio – Top Chef

Outstanding Lead Actor In A Comedy Series
Alec Baldwin – 30 Rock
Jemaine Clement – Flight of the Conchords
Tony Shalhoub – Monk
Jim Parsons – The Big Bang Theory
Steve Carell – The Office
Charlie Sheen – Two and a Half Men

Outstanding Lead Actor In A Drama Series
Bryan Cranston – Breaking Bad
Michael C. Hall – Dexter
Hugh Laurie – House
Gabriel Byrne – In Treatment
Jon Hamm – Mad Men
Simon Baker – The Mentalist

Outstanding Lead Actress In A Comedy Series
Tina Fey – 30 Rock
Christina Applegate – Samantha Who?
Julia Louis-Dreyfus – The New Adventures of Old Christine
Sarah Silverman – The Sarah Silverman Program
Toni Collette – The United States of Tara
Mary-Louise Parker – Weeds

Outstanding Lead Actress In A Drama Series
Sally Field – Brothers & Sisters
Glenn Close – Damages
Mariska Hargitay – Law & Order: SVU
Elisabeth Moss – Mad Men
Holly Hunter – Saving Grace
Kyra Sedgwick – The Closer

Outstanding Reality – Competition Program
American Idol
Dancing With The Stars
Project Runway
The Amazing Race
Top Chef

Outstanding Reality Program
Antiques Roadshow
Dirty Jobs
Dog Whisperer
Intervention
Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List
MythBusters

Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Comedy Series
Tracy Morgan – 30 Rock
Jack McBrayer – 30 Rock
Kevin Dillon – Entourage
Neil Patrick Harris – How I Met Your Mother
Rainn Wilson – The Office
Jon Cryer – Two And A Half Men

Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Drama Series
William Shatner, Boston Legal
Christian Clemenson – Breaking Bad
Aaron Paul – Damages
William Hurt – Damages
Michael Emerson – Lost
John Slattery – Mad Men

Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Comedy Series
Jane Krakowski – 30 Rock
Kristin Chenoweth – Pushing Daisies
Amy Poehler – Saturday Night Live
Kristin Wiig – Saturday Night Live
Vanessa Williams – Ugly Betty
Elizabeth Perkins – Weeds

Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Drama Series
Cherry Jones – 24
Rose Byrne – Damages
Sandra Oh – Grey’s Anatomy
Chandra Wilson – Grey’s Anatomy
Dianne Wiest – In Treatment
Hope Davis – In Treatment

Fang Fight

In an interview with Marie Claire (via ONTD), Stephen Moyer from True Blood had this to say about Edward Cullen from Twilight: “He’s a pussy! He’s the Slim-Fast, Diet Coke of vampires.”

Oh, shit. He said “Slim-Fast!” That shit has to burn like a crucifix to the nalgas!

This isn’t really a fang fight since Edward doesn’t have fangs! Edward can try to blind Vampire Bill rays of sparklies! Kind of like the Care Bear stare! Precious, right? If that didn’t work, Rpattz could act out a few scenes which would cause Stephen to go completely numb. It worked on me while I was watching Twilight (please don’t kill me, Twihards).

Finally: A Little Lafayette

For those of you skanks who have not finished season 1 of True Blood yet, might want to skip right off of this post, because I might drop a spoiler or two. And my inbox has met its daily quota for “Damn you motherfucker” e-mails. Save it for tomorrow.

All the promo shit I’ve seen for the second season of True Blood has been missing a very important bitch: LAFAYETTE! Yes, I already know that Lafayette is de-de-de-dead. Some dumb ho who read the series already told my ass that he gets killed off in book two. I still don’t want to believe it’s true! There has to be a way for Lafayette to return! Can’t they make his ass a bitchy zombie? This cannot be the end for Lafayette!!!! Oh well. It was nice to see pictures of his ass at the premiere last night even though he was dressed like the “cool” substitute English teacher in high school.

Here’s a few more pictures from last night. They are in order (by character name): LAFAYETTE, a tall glass of Swedish milk, Jason Stackhouse, Vampire Bill, Sookie GAPhouse, Tara, Maryann, Rene and the cast.