True Blood Has Found Its Debbie Pelt

EW’s Michael Ausiello has gotten on his blow horn and is screaming that Alan Ball has cast the role of Debbie Pelt in season 3 of True Blood. After auditioning a ton of ladies, the role has gone to Brit Morgan who was in The Middleman and a movie called Beer for My Horses, which is going to magically find its way onto my Netflix queue.

In the books, Debbie Pelt is described as a psycho bitch who becomes Sookeh’s arch rival. Alan said Debbie will be featured more in the TV show than she was in the books. I didn’t read the books, because why bother when you can watch Alexander Skarsgard’s nipples act everything out for you.

And since I become Dyslexic for has-been TV stars, I read the headline as: Morgan Brittany cast in True Blood:

I raised my hands and praised St. Alan Ball for bringing the 80s Vivien Leigh out of the halfway house and back onto our TV screens. Unfortunately, my orgasm died in a quick minute when I learned the tragic truth. Maybe Alan can dethrone Evan Rachel Wood as the Queen Vampire and place the crown on Morgan Brittany’s head instead. Bitch needs a check!

Lafayette Is Finally Getting A Piece

True Blood SPOILER ALERT! So if you don’t want to know anything else, rip your eyeballs out and meet us in the front. The Hollywood Reporter (via People) says that Lafayette will finally get a little honey in his pot next season.

The producers of True Blood held a seance and resurrected Ugly Betty’s Santos from the dead and cast him as Jesus (that’s pronounced Heeeeeeey-sus if you take cream in your coffee). Kevin Alejandro will play Jesus, a hospital orderly who is caring for Lafayette’s sick mother (played by Alfre Woodard). Jesus will be in almost every single episode in the upcoming third season.

Part of me (my no-no) was hoping that Eric and Lafayette would swirl it up in the third season, but I’ll take this for now. And I’m still praying that my favorite True Blood character, the alley slut known as Randi Sue, somehow fucks her way into season 3.

THAT BITCH: The Kate Bosworth Edition

Just a quick minute ago, there were rumors that Alexander Skarsgard and his True Blood co-star Evan Rachel Wood were dating on the down low. Well, Askars loves to spread the hotness, because now Radar is saying that he might be getting loose with another co-star, Kate Bosworth.

Kate and Askars, who just finished shooting a movie together in Louisiana, were acting all couple-like at the Spike TV Scream Awards in Los Angeles this past Saturday night. After Kate presented Askars with the Best Villain award, they “canoodled” backstage. Some witness said they were whispering in each other’s ears while holding hands.

Spokeswhore for both of them say they are just fweeeeeeendz.

Askars knows he’s the peen of the moment, so he’s just having a little fuck time fun. That’s all this is. If he isn’t serving Evan Rachel Wood a plate of his Swedish meatballs, then he’s letting Kate Bosworth lick on his homemade Blodkorv. Although, I’m a little concerned for Kate. Bitch is the size of a fetus’ nose hair, so she better down a dozen protein shakes before she tries to fuck on Askars all the way.

Panty Creamer Of The Day

This picture of Alexander Skarsgard grabbing onto a dude’s titty at Fantastic Fest ’09 will probably find itself inserted into Photoshop about a million times, because crazed True Blood hos (yours truly included) will be pasting their heads on this shit. I mean, we all want Vampire Eric to place his sexy hand on our nipple while holding a Stella in the middle of a freezer.

Something tells me the dude’s face lips aren’t the only pair of lips puckering up. OW! Eric has that effect on everyone.

If that was me, I’d never wash or lick my nipple ever again. My nipple would be looking like a crusty 7-layer dip after about a year, and I still wouldn’t take a towelette to it.

Source: PoshDeluxe VIA Just Jared

THAT BITCH: The Evan Rachel Wood Edition

Sookeh and Beeehl aren’t the only hos who are banging beach other after meeting on the True Blood set. Lainey Gossip says that Evan Rachel Wood and Alex Skarsgard have been fucking on each other for several weeks now. Do you hear that scraping sound? It’s thousands of crazed fangbangers sharpening their shanks! Although, all they have to do is throw pie filling on Evan Rachel Wood and invite Marilyn Manson over for dessert. Bitch be gone!

Apparently, Evan and Alex have kept it on the down low by only hanging out together at non-famewhorey places in L.A. This past weekend, Evan flew to Shreveport, Louisiana to be with Alex. He’s there shooting Straw Dogs with Kate Bosworth. Below is a picture of their asses walking down the street in New Orleans. Yeah, this isn’t proof enough for me. If I was Evan, I’d be all over Alex’s lingonberries all the time. Even in public. My legs would be wrapped around his shoulders and he’d have to carry my ass down the street like that. Evan’s crotch area looks a little too calm.

If this shit is true, you know Evan Rachel Wood only went on True Blood to lick on Alex’s piping hot Swedish meatball. I really have to stand up and applaud her ass for that. Bitch saw the goods and she got ’em. That is how it’s done.

And I’m hoping that the next real-life True Blood romance will be between Eggs and Hoyt’s mama je’e. Couple of the CENTURY!

Image VIA ONTD

And This Is How HoHan’s Trying To Get On True Blood….

Whenever HoHan calls the casting directors at True Blood, they probably cackle until the connection goes out. So HoHan has been forced to audition on Twitter. Yes, it’s come to this. HoHan, who has already admitted that she’s a major True Blood fanwhore, posted these pictures of her as a vampire on her Twitter. Nice try, bitch. If the show was called True Cokeywhore, then she’d get the starring role, but unfortunately it’s not. The only way I could appreciate her Hot Topic-approved vampire look is if we were at a goth rave and I had a pill up the butt.

And here’s a few pictures of Jason Segel busting buttons (LITERALLY) while arriving at the Chateau Marmont last night. Apparently, that’s HoHan in the backseat of the SUV with him. They were partying all night together. And that’s how she’s going to get on How I Met Your Mother. Do who you gotta do, HoHan!