Fifteen years ago, documentarian Morgan Spurlock created Super Size Me and it let Americans in on a teeny, tiny secret we’ve been avoiding: fast food is bad for your health. WHO KNEW!?
Morgan Spurlock delivered brand new information by letting us know that eating fast food every day, all day is a form of psychological and physical torture. Well, Morgan Spurlock must’ve missed the clogged arteries, because he’s doing another film about fast food. This time he’s creating his own fast food chicken restaurant and exposing some of the short cuts and sidestepping of the law that gets done to make some cheap, fast food chicken. And yes, Super Size Me 2 will actually see the light of day even after Morgan Spurlock confirmed that several women were right to say #MeToo about him.
As if we needed further proof that our government has been secretly fattening up the masses as part of an elaborate scheme to secure a sustainable source of protein for the 1% who will be leaving on their spaceships to the outer colonies any day now, Olive Garden has pretty much tipped their hand by introducing a few super sized menu options. The portions debuting today are so big that OG had to issue a statement assuring people that their dreams of ingesting a slab of fried chicken the size of The Rock’s forearm is NOT just a cruel April Fools’ Day joke. No, the actual joke is on you when you spend three days shitting blood after consuming a meatball the size of a baby’s head.