Sienna Miller Is Back On The Prowl

Dig out the chastity belt from the attic and strap it onto your husband immediately, because Sienna Miller’s bulldozer vagina is back in business! Sienna told UsWeekly that she finally detached Balthazar Getty’s hair peen (I’m assuming) from her snatch after only a few months together and she’s single now. Single and ready to mingle…with your husband’s dick.

At the Hollywood Dominoes event in London, the happy homewrecker said, “I’m single at the moment, and I’m completely happy with that. It’s nice not to have a relationship that the press constantly want to scrutinize and discuss. I’m cool with being on my own.”

And the slutty angels in heaven are singing “Whore-a-lujah!”

Balthazar’s dick was getting stale and too complicated, so this shit was long overdue. Let the man with the cartoon villain name go back to his wife and let Sienna go back to doing what she does best: sluttin’! I’m really fucking happy to hear this, because I was starting to think that she was actually…um…dickmatized. Note to sluts of the world: The minute you get dickmatized, immediately put your genitals into rehab and cease all contact with said dick. Dickmatization + a shameless slut = DISASTER!

Below is Sienna in her “dick huntin‘” dress at that Domino event on Friday night. If you put your ear to the monitor, you can actually hear her vagina crying tears of joy at the fact that it’s getting new peen!

Sienna Miller Needs To Move On To New Peen

Shameless slut Sienna Miller has given Balthazar Getty way too many hours with her vagina. It’s time to fucking move on. What’s the point of being a big whore if you’re just going to do the same dude over and over again? Sienna might have finally woken up and smelled the jizz, because the Daily Mail reports that she’s taken her slut act back to London. However, she didn’t leave Balthazar because her cooze was craving new peen, she left after he refused to divorce his wife.

According to friends, these two hos have been fighting constantly in Los Angeles and she’s scared that he’s going to go back to his wife. ” There have been some pretty unpleasant rows, largely over Balthazar’s reluctance to commit. She has really wanted to be able to step out as a couple but Balthazar is very torn over his children and it looks like he might be wanting to go back to his family. Sienna is devastated.”

Sienna is devastated, but her vagina is probably jumping for joy and humming “It’s Raining Men.”

Balthazar still being married isn’t the only problem. Sienna wants to booze and party all night, while he would rather stay home and be boring. Balthazar is a recovering drunk, so he’s having a hard time dealing with Sienna’s ways.

Sienna is surprised that her married boyfriend still wants to be married and he’s surprised that his party whore girlfriend still wants to be a party whore? Ugh. Slap them both with a flaccid peen.

Sienna needs to stay in London and re-read the slut’s handbook. Specificially, chapter 7: “Married Men are Only Good for Fucking.”

Don’t Mess With An Über Slut

Leave it to Sienna Miller to turn the pap attention from her homewrecky ways into a money making opportunity! A judge in Britain gave her ass $27,000 in damages after the Daily Star publishes these pictures of her doing dry sex to an elevator door. Okay, she was really trying to hide from the paps. Sienna said she was in “distress” at the time the pictures were taken and the paps were clearly harassing her. Shortly after the pictures were published on September 11th, Sienna’s lawyers filed a lawsuit.

In addition to the $27k, the Daily Star was forced to say they are so sowwy for acting like big meanies. They published this statement this morning:

“We accept, as we said in the article, that Ms. Miller was extremely harassed and distressed by persistent pursuit and intimidating tactics adopted by numerous paparazzi in seeking to obtain photographs of her, including the very photograph that we published.

“We apologize to Sienna for publishing this photograph.”

I’m a little disappointed that Sienna sued over this shit. A true hardcore slut would get revenge by fucking all of the editors’ spouses, male or female. She could have used that bulldozer vagina of hers to get the last queef! Oh well. Now she can use that $27k to start the Sienna Miller Foundation for Needy Sluts.

Source: E! Online

Double The Crowe

It was already known that Russell Crowe’s voluptuous ass would play the Sheriff in Ridley Scott’s “Nottingham,” but now he’s also playing Robin Hood. Ridley said that Russell would play both roles, but he wouldn’t comment any further. He only said that Russell as Robin Hood and the Sheriff would be “a good old clever adjustment of characters. One becomes the other. It changes.” Sybil for the Middle Ages!

Ridley also confirmed that shameless slut Sienna Miller is playing Maid Marian. Russell’s wife better lock his dick up and pour a little holy water on it to keep it safe from Sienna.

Ridley and Russell should take this concept a step further. Russell should play all the roles. He definitely has the belly of wonder needed to play Friar Tuck. He also has the huge titties for Maid Marian. And Russell likes to sing, so he can easily cover Bryan Adams‘ “Everything I Do (I Do It For You).” Win!

That’s More Like It

It’s nice to see that Sienna Miller isn’t covering her ho face and cowering in the corner like a shamed hooker. This is exactly how she should carry herself. Eff all those bitches who don’t understand the way of the slut. Their genitals will never do the things your genitals can do and they know it!

Here’s Sienna and some jolly helper leaving a medical center in Beverly Hills yesterday. You can draw your own conclusions on why she was there. She was probably just getting her vagina rotated and oiled. It’s a monthly chore, but all sluts have to do it.

Sienna Miller Is So Dramatic

Sienna Miller entered some building in Los Angeles yesterday when the paparazzi swarmed her ass. Instead of ignoring them or even telling them to go fuck a pile of shit, Sienna covered her face and tried to walk through closed elevator doors. Seriously, she sexually violated those elevator doors. Those poor elevator doors have the herp now.

Sienna needs to stop hiding and hold her skank head up high. She should be proud to be a hardcore slut with a bulldozer vagina. The only time us sluts put our heads down is when we’re sucking dick. Or maybe Sienna just had a bad outbreak on her mouth?

In other homewrecky news, TMZ reports that Balthazar Getty’s wife, Rosetta, will not file for divorce. Rosetta thinks she’ll be better off financially if she just sticks with Balthazar’s skeezer ass. Balthazar hasn’t gotten any money from his family’s fortune, but he is doing well thanks to Brothers & Sisters. If they divorce, Rosetta won’t be entitled to any of his future earnings.

And Balthazar’s family feels bad about one of their own leaving Rosetta with four kids to raise, so they are helping her out in the cash department.

Balthazar probably doesn’t mind. If he ever divorces Rosetta, Sienna will probably leave him. Sienna’s motto is: “If you ain’t got no ring, my pussy don’t sing!” Or something like that.