Here Comes Sienna Miller!

Is Sienna Miller talking to her purse again? That silly slut! Sienna, your PUSS is the one with all the answers, not your purse! I swear! She’s been slapped in the head with a dangerous dong way too many times.

So! My favorite happy homewrecker isn’t so happy. Sienna is depressed because the press in England has labeled her a shameless whore. The final straw came when some hater of loose women spray-painted the word “SLUT” on her house. I take that as a compliment, but I guess Sienna didn’t appreciate it.

Sienna has decided to pack up her floppy vag lips and flee London for Los Angeles where she plans to shack up with Balthazar Getty. Sienna’s step-mommy said: “It’s disgusting that she can not live in her own country. Now she’s going to have to leave the country to get on with life. She can’t live here now. Why is it that if a man leaves his wife the new woman gets all the shit? That doesn’t happen the other way round.”

Um….bitches are just as rude as here. Sienna needs to embrace it. When someone calls her a “dumb skank slut,” she should say “thank you.” That’s what I do! I’d rather be a slut who sucks dicks in their sleep than a frigid bitch who can’t even squeeze out a shit.

And something tells me the sale of male chastity belts will go waaaaaay up in Los Angeles once Sienna arrives.

Why So Distressed?

Sienna Miller was out with that piece of trash Balthazar Getty in London last night and she looked so upset. I recognize that face. It’s the same face I make when I feel like my no-no hole is going to explode for whatever reason. And there’s many reasons why it could. Trust.

You want to cry dry tears, but you’re afraid that even the slightest movement will make you blow like a volcano, so you stand very still. Somebody tell Sienna that she just needs to sing it a Carpenters’ song and pet it to sleep. I would tell her myself, but I’m still mad at that skank. When is she going to wake up and smell the hot jizz? She’s had her fill with Balthazar and now it’s time to move on to bigger and better dicks. And you can’t convince me that Balthazar has a big one. He looks like he has short burrito dick with extra guacamole.

Sienna Miller Has A Fan

A lovely person who obviously thinks very highly of Sienna Miller decorated her London home last night. You know you’ve really made it in life when someone spray pants the word “SLUT” on your home. And not just any slut. A satanic slut! At least I think that’s supposed to be the sign of Satan. It could be a beautiful Christmas tree ornament. How festive!

I only have the word “CUNT” spray painted on my apartment door. I really wish someone would add a “SLUT.”

After thinking about it a little bit, I bet you Sienna did this herself to give her home a cozy feeling. I approve. Nothing says “home sweet home” like the word “SLUT” spray painted on your house. You better believe Martha Stewart is going to devote an entire episode of her show on how to do this shit yourself.

Cry Me A River, A Really Slutty River

Sienna Miller was trying to pump in peace, but the paparazzi just wouldn’t let her! Cock blockers! The hobag tried to get filled in Mali-boo-hoo yesterday when she was surrounded by photographers. She begged them to leave her ass alone and when asked about Balthazar Getty, she said, “I’m just trying to fill up my fucking car!”

Sienna finally had enough and asked one of the gas station attendants to pump her up. After he filled her, Sienna drove to the police station to ask for help. They escorted her back to her hotel.

You know what Sienna needs? She needs a few lessons about how to deal with the paparazzi from our very own international supermodel Phoebe Price. Chicken Cutlets can teach her how to take a situation like this and turn it into your very own photo shoot. Sienna could have posed with that pump or leaned against her car in a sultry way. The possibilities are endless!

Vagina Hiccups!

What’s so funny Sienna Miller?! Does your vagina have the hiccups again? That happens apparently. One of my pregnant friends said she can feel the baby hiccups in her vagina area. I told her to scare the baby and she answered, “Okay. Can you put your face down there then?” What a bitch!

Anyway, Sienna “not a homewrecker” Miller and Balthazar Getty had lunch with Jerry Bruckheimer and his wife this past weekend in Malibu. I wonder what was on the menu? Vagina hiccup pie? I’m sorry! I just can’t get past vagina hiccups. Is there such a thing as ass hiccups? If there is, I’m sure I would have had them by now.

Here’s more of Sienna and her man of the minute at lunch in Malibu. I apologize again. This post was supposed to be about two skanks and it turned into talk about vagina hiccups. VAGINA HICCUPS!

Sienna & Balthazar Go To The Pharmacy

Obviously, Balthazar was getting some shit to stop the itching “down there.” Sienna’s used to it. Besides, when the itching gets really bad, her crabs scratch it for her. I zoomed into her bag to see if she was buying a pregnancy test. A secret baby would make this story so much better! Unfortunately, I think she was just buying corn removers…..for her vagina.

Balthazar and Sienna have been flaunting their skankness all around Malibu for the past few days. Even though their relationship is pretty much out in the open, Sienna apparently wants Balthazar’s wifey to publicly admit that her vagina of destruction had nothing to do with the break up of their marriage.

Some source told The News of the World, “Sienna is being portrayed as a femme fatale and fears for her career because Hollywood hates a home wrecker. She hopes Balthazar can get Rosetta to put out a statement saying their marriage was already over. They have already got friends to speak out, saying he was sleeping on their sofas.”

Femme Fatale? More like a mega slut with a shameless chocha! Since when does being a major whore in Hollywood eff up your career? It’s not like this is Seinna’s first time at the homewrecking rodeo! Jude Law anyone?

And the Hollywood machine loves a happy homewrecker. In fact, they worship them. They even give them $14 million for pictures of their chosen ones.