That Explains It All

File this under: So easy even a child can play! Seriously, Sienna Miller said she was kicked in the face by a horse. This should be a board game the whole family can play together! Your key words are: Sienna Miller, vagina (the two go hand in hand), horse, kick and face. The jokes are just lying down, waiting for you to pick ’em up.

Anythisbitchtriedtoblowthehorse, Sienna was on the Tonight Show and told the story to Jay Leno. Sienna said, “I’ve had some accidents. I got kicked in the face by a horse. Only I would be kicked in the face by a horse. People always think it’s lipstick, especially make-up artists. Maybe they’ve covered it up. I’m hoping you can’t see it. Make-up artists come and try and rub it off and there’s always an awkward moment.”

Whore, please. They don’t think it’s lipstick. They think it’s a rogue Dirty Sanchez stain. You know, Sienna showed the scar, but I held up a magnifying glass to it and didn’t see shit!

Can we get a rematch between Sienna and the world’s favorite horsey? If the horsey isn’t with us anymore, Pony Parker can fill in. Bitch has got some new hooves she can’t wait to try them out.

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The White Zone Is NOT For This Shit

The white zone is for immediate unloading and loading only, it’s not for slut canoodling! Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty to need unload nuts on each other or drive the fuck off! Of course, the nobody is bothering their asses!

The last time I picked a bitch up from the airport, I had to wait a quick minute for them to run out to the car from baggage claim. It was like 2 seconds. But of course, some traffic officer had to give me lip about it! Bitch even told me to get out of the car. HELL NO. Ho could’ve had a taser! I’m not going to knowingly walk into a situation that will most likely involve me getting fucking zapped. That’s what would’ve happened to. He would’ve said some shit, I would’ve rolled my eyes and ZAP! Just like I’d have mini pork rinds for ass lips. If only Sienna and Balthazar got their asses tasered. The world is not fair.

And I’m trying to stick by my fellow whore with no morals, but she is making it hard by continuing to suck on that bag of dicks! I mean, can Balthazar’s peen deep clean her teeth while she’s sucking on it? If it can’t, then the dick is not worth it. It’s a sad day when a big whore gets dickmatized. Do the dick, don’t let the dick do you. Stupid bitch!

Here Comes Sienna….

Sienna Miller’s vagina of destruction is about to wreak havoc on Manhattan! Playbill has confirmed that my favorite happy homewrecker will make her Broadway debut in Miss Julie this fall. That shit is about fucking in old timey England or something like that. Just expect a lot of nipple slips from Sienna and maybe she’ll throw in a crotch slip to really guarantee a Tony nomination.

There’s no point in the wives of NYC twisting their husband’s dicks like a pretzel and putting a padlock on it. Nope. Sienna Miller’s Cloverpussy can bust through chains. Bitch has got the MacGyver of coochies. She can pick a lock with her clit and untie a knot with her labia lips. Skills.

I can’t wait for the sluttery that Sienna will bring to NYC.

Sienna On The Loose

When us mega sluts aren’t sucking dick in between subway cars after rush hour (sometimes there’s nowhere to go), we’re getting absolutely wasted. It’s a life! Sienna Miller did a little of the latter last night in London. And her ball and chain peen Balthazary Getty was not around. So when the peen is away, the pussy will play.

Sienna left a club with Cillian Murphy and some “Michael Kors after Jenny Craig-looking” gay. If Cillian’s wife was smart, she would’ve put The Club on her husband’s dick before he went out with Sienna. Or at least stuck a Lojack in his ass. You know how Sienna plays. When she sees a shiny wedding ring, it’s just a matter of time before she’s wearing it on her clit.

Russell Crowe Is Too Fat For Sienna Miller

Russell Crowe’s movie about Robin Hood is falling apart, because he’s a fat old sack of fugness. That’s what Page Six claims anyway. According to their sources, Russell’s movie Nottingham is a fucking mess, because the bitch is not losing the chunk. Shooting was supposed to start in February, but now that’s been pushed to April, because mega slut Sienna Miller quit that bitch.

A source said, “Russell never lost the weight he put on for ‘Body of Evidence’ – and so the love scenes between him and Sienna would have been laughable. He’s so old and fat and she’s so young and gorgeous. It’s just . . . gross.”

A love scene between Sienna and a Seawolf (Russell does kind of look like one) would be believable, because she has a nonpartisan pussy. Sienna has a gift that most sluts would give up their no gag reflex for. She has the ability to make any fuck session work despite any odds. They need to give the whore the credit she deserves!

Anyslutty, the producers are now looking for a fatter, older ho to play Maid Marian. Um. Harvey Fierstein is available!

The movie also has other problems thanks to Russell. He demanded a complete rewrite so that most of the movie’s focus is on his big ass. A source said he’s also trying to get director Ridley Scott fired.

A studio bitch confirmed that Sienna busted out, but said Ridley is staying.

This is easily solved. Work with what you’ve got. Bring in Kristie Alley, change the title to Eatingham, rename Russell’s character Robin Food, and instead of a Kraft services table, get Claim Jumper to cater that shit. BAM! Problem solved.

Sienna, Sienna, Sienna…

I just want to take Sienna Miller’s labia lips in my two hands, shake them and then scream “Wake up, you stupid bitches! Wake the fuck up!” Why in dickmatized hell is this slut still eating on Balthazar Getty’s dick cheese?! She is really beginning to piss me off. Earlier this month, Sienna said her party vagina was back on the scene ready to claim more victims and here she is out with Balthazar in London last night. The Sun says that bitches have also seen them holding hands and acting couple-like in London.

This bitch is a disgrace to all shameless whores! She needs to rinse her coochie and mouth out with a mixture of Listerine, holy water and vinegar, so she can get rid of Balthazar’s musty peen scent and move on! Any respectable slut would not keep the same dick around this long. Especially married dick. Please, Sienna, let me help you. I’ll take you to a dick buffet, so that you can see all the good peen you’ve been missing out on.