Category: Scary Movie

There’s A New “Cats” Trailer Out And It’s Still Very Wrong

November 19, 2019 / Posted by:

Unlike the makers of Sonic The Hedgehog, Cats director Tom Hooper doesn’t give a shit about your mental well being. When the first trailer dropped, I think we were all pretty clear that the cats we were subjected to were demonic, aberrational grotesques, and we wanted them all rounded up, thrown in sacks, and drowned in the River Thames. The makers of Cats had every opportunity to take our notes and make the necessary adjustments. But they did nothing of the sort. The second official trailer is here, and if anything, it’s worse. For one thing, it’s very Taylor Swift nippleless cat breasts forward.

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Open Post: Hosted By Tilda Swinton’s 1000 Yard Stare In The Trailer For The “Suspiria” Remake

June 4, 2018 / Posted by:

If anybody’s gonna give you the heebie jeebies just by smoking a cigarette intensely, it’s gonna be Tilda Swinton. In the remake of the 1977 Dario Argento classic horror movie Suspiria, Tilda gets to puffing while the string section of an unseen 3rd grade orchestra tunes up, and Dakota Johnson does some heavy breathing exercises that don’t end in her screaming her safe word while experimenting with 50 shades of butt stuff.

Here’s the super creepy trailer that’s everything Mother! wanted to be but wasn’t.

That’s a solidly creepy piece of work. Strangely, the scariest thing to me was the lady who folded her hands and the beginning with the long, thin thumb fingernails. That’s a bigger “yikes” to me than maggots on the face. No contest.

I know I’ve seen the original but can’t remember a thing about it. Like, objectively I know it’s a “good” movie but I think I’ve fallen asleep halfway through more than once. Everybody probably has that one film nerd friend who made you try to watch it. If not, then you probably are that film nerd friend. If you are, don’t be like mine and pop Suprisia (or any other Italian movie with subtitles) in the VCR after midnight when everybody is coming down from whatever and then get pissy when people fall asleep or talk during it. Sometimes we talk because we’re scared and can’t take the masterfully build tension! Or because we’re still too high.


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