Taylor Swift And Andrew Lloyd Webber’s New Song “Beautiful Ghosts” From “Cats” Is Out

Even though every frame is burned into my psyche, about every other week, give or take, I go back to re-watch the Cats trailer, just to be sure it’s real and not something we collectively fever dreamed as a coping mechanism for #thesetryingtimes. See if Cats is real, that means all the rest of this *gestures widely* is also real. Guys, it’s real. Further proof of Cats actually existing in this dimension is the release of Taylor Swift’s new song, Beautiful Ghosts, which she co-wrote with noted sad sack Andrew Lloyd Webber. I’ve listened to it and my verdict is: I want Scooter Braun to euthanize it.

Here’s Taylor’s breathy, maudlin meow mix of Beautiful Ghosts. I know cats are prone to upper respiratory infections, so maybe that’s what’s going on.

I’m sure it’s catnip for the Swifties, but I’d rather spay myself with a rusty scalpel than listen to this again. But just to prove to myself that I wasn’t being unfairly critical of the song since I’m still mad a Taylor for what she did to September, I had my cat Willie listen to it to get his reaction. I figured, cat to cat, he’d let me know if I was missing something. Well, if he enjoyed it, I’ll never know, because as soon as I hit play he puffed up, turned around, sprayed urine on the wall, and ran out of there like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. And I don’t have a rocking chair. However, when I went to clean up the piss, I noticed something unusual. The piss stream formed words and when I looked closely, I could see he’d spelled out “insipid and derivative.” I was like damn, Willie!

Pic: Wenn.com