QOTD: LeAnn Rimes “Sometimes” Worries That Eddie Cibrian Will Pass His Peen To Another Trick

Your brain is probably still on the floor if you read that ESCANDALOSO expose at Deadspin about the Notre Dame football player who is either a dumb bitch for successfully getting Catfished for over a year or he’s a dumb bitch for making up a dead girlfriend for maximum publicity (take note, Taylor Swift). If your brain is still on the floor, put it back in your head, because here’s an equally important and fascinating (not really) quote from LeAnn Rimes about whether or not she thinks Eddie Cibrian’s drifting dick will ever drift into another ho’s twat.

While talking to Entertainment Tonight (via UsWeekly) about stuff, Nancy O’Dell asked her if she’s ever worried about Eddie coming home with random vagina juices on his crotch. LeAnn said this:

“Everyone else would think I am a liar if I didn’t say yes, and I have at times. It’s definitely creeped into my mind, as it would anyone’s. I think we’ve been very honest and open with that to each other, and our conversations about it have only made me understand how much he actually cares, as much as I do, about being faithful to each other. Where I’m at in my relationship with Eddie, that is not a worry that’s in the front of my mind.”

Scheana Marie, that sad pony-faced trick from Vanderpump Rules who Eddie cheated on Brandi Glanville with, claims that he cheated on her with LeAnn Rimes. So basically, Eddie Cibrian is a cheating slut who just can’t stop being a cheating slut. LeAnn’s ass probably knows this and she just looks the other way. When LeAnn walks in on Eddie with a mouthful of side snatch, she shrugs and then skips off to the kitchen to make herself a laxative-tini. When LeAnn kisses Eddie hello and a curly, black pube ends up in her mouth, she pulls it out, shrugs and then skips off to her laptop to tweet about how he’s the great love of her life (after Twitter, of course).

I swear, sometimes good dick is a thing of evil. It blurs your vision and screws with your brain. Before Eddie came along, LeAnn didn’t seem that crazy to me. But then when she got herself some good dick, her brain turned inside/out and delusion became her best friend.

QOTD: Liam Neeson Thinks Our Horned Up, Slutty Society Is Ruining The Mystery Of Sex

Liam Neeson, father of two teenage boys, tells The Catholic Herald, of course, that modern society is filled with a bunch of fuck-hungry slut whores with dripping genitals (cut to my guiltface) and that the media keeps throwing sex in our faces, which is ruining the specialness of love making. Liam says that kids today can’t open their eyes without seeing crotches thrusting on TV and they can’t hit play on iTunes without hearing some slut sing about banging. Liam went on to say that the media has to stop being so damn sexy before they completely ruin the magic and wonder of fucking.

“I’d hate to be a kid now, because we’re all inundated with so much information about sexuality coming at us from everywhere – the media, the advertising billboards, just everywhere – and it must be so confusing for them. There’s a problem that, if you become over-familiar with something, it moves from the sacred to almost the profane. The act is very, very special, you know. It’s full of mystery and wonder, and I’d hate us all to get to the stage where we just treat it lightly, because it deserves more than that … but times have changed since I was young, no doubt about it.”

Yes, the media is sex crazed and yes, we’re all a bunch of sex crazed horny whores, but you know who’s a little to blame for that? LIAM NEESON! Hasn’t Liam Neeson seen his own Evian bottle dick in action in Rob Roy? Your part (ten inches, to be exact) is part of the problem, Liam Neeson. And please keep being part of the problem, because your Evian bottle dick needs more screen time.

via The Telegraph

QOTD: Part Of Anne Hathaway Is Afraid That She Won’t Get An Oscar Nomination

To play a sick and sad singing hooker in Les Miserable, Anne Hathaway chopped off her hair and starved herself by only eating dried horse barf for two weeks, because you have to bleeeeeeed to get that Oscar (“You do?” said Gwyneth Paltrow)! Anne Hathaway will be nominated, she will win and we’ll pop a few blood vessels when we rolls our eyes at her acting all excited about it. Anne told FOX 411 (via Entertainmentwise) that if she doesn’t get nominated, a part of her will be really embarrassed, become a recluse and move to the woods, because the trees, wind and forest animals don’t care if you have an Oscar or not.

FOX 411: Oscar buzz! What does that mean to you?

Hathaway: It’s hugely flattering but nothing is real yet, so it’s lovely that people are talking about it. So I’m of two minds, which is one, ‘Oh my gosh could you imagine if it came true?’ and two, ‘Can you imagine how embarrassing it’ll be if it doesn’t happen if I don’t get nominated?’ So I’m just trying to keep my feet on the ground at the moment.

Anne has half of that right. Part of her will be embarrassed, the other part of her will RAAAAAAAAAGE! Bitch didn’t almost starve to death to lose out on an Oscar nomination. Anne has been working the Oscar game like the rent is due, her car is about to be repoed and gamblers who are betting on her to win have threatened her family, dognapped her dog and left a decapitated Oscar statue in her bed. She is going after it hard, so if she doesn’t win it, she’s going to be like Michael Douglas in Falling Down. We’re all going to pay.

QOTD: Cameron Diaz Says Every Woman Wants To Be Objectified

Open up, because here’s a pearl of wisdom straight from the mound of infinite knowledge in Cameron Diaz’s head. In an interview with The Sunday Times (via Gossip Cop), the official spokesperson for all women said that if you’ve got a chocha, you want men to look at you like a walking pair of tits and nothing more.

“I think every woman does want to be objectified. There’s a little part of you at all times that hopes to be somewhat objectified, and I think it’s healthy,” the actress tells the paper.

“[Photo shoots are] empowering. I’m not some young girl with the photographer going, ‘Will you take your clothes off?’ I’m like [mimes stripping], ‘How does this look?’ They’re like, ‘Today we’re not going to put anything other than bras and heels on you,’ and I’m like, ‘These heels are not high enough.’”

I’m a woman, I know how to handle myself. I know what I feel comfortable doing and I know my sexuality.”

Hey, don’t blame it on the weed! Cameron spent a lot of time sucking on A-Rod’s roid rod, so you know that fucked with brains. But seriously, as soon as Cameron finishes writing the foreword for Gloria Steinem’s next book (because Gloria Steinem is totally going to ask her), she should have an open debate on feminism with fellow philosopher Megan Fox. I mean, they are the foremost voices for ALL women’s issues.

(Pic via Esquire)

QOTD: Dina Lohan Hates Cocaine

The world collectively shrugged when Lindsay Lohan said that her mom was on coke during a drunken mess of a call to her piece of trash father after partying most of the night. This was a surprise to no one, because you don’t get nostrils like that just from breathing in air, bitch. Nostrils don’t lie. Oh, but LiLo’s mom White Oprah says they do. The cocaine industry’s Mother of Every Year told Entertainment Tonight that she cried out real tears when LiLo accused her of inhaling the bad shit and she’s glad that her daughter finally told the truth. Today’s daily laugh is powered by this:

“Absolutely lied. We were having an argument, it escalated. She just wanted to hurt me at that moment. You know, mothers [and] daughters, we fight. I hate cocaine. I don’t do cocaine.

I’m so proud of her for telling the truth because it destroyed me. I mean, I cried for weeks. It just hurt me so bad and she knew how horrible that was, and she came clean and told the truth that she lied. I’m very proud of her for that, which is very difficult to have to do. There’s so much more to the story than the public sees, and it takes its toll on my children and myself, and we’re just trying to move forward.”

White Oprah went on to say, “No, I really, really hate cocaine. I hate cocaine more than I hate working and that says a lot. Wait, do you have any coke on you? I’m only asking because I can’t even be in the same room with the stuff. I don’t even know what it looks like! But if you have any, give it to me and I’ll throw it away in the bathroom. While I’m flushing that Satan powder down the toilet in the bathroom, you might hear me snorting and sniffling. That’s just me having an allergic reaction to cocaine. Yes, I’m allergic to it. Cocaine even hates me! No, seriously, do you have any?“

And every coke dealer in the Long Island area is extra sad today. White Oprah just denied their beautiful relationship. This is like when the dude you’ve been hooking up with for weeks ignores you in the bar. What a cold cokehead that White Oprah is.

QOTD: Kristen Stewart Really, Really Loved Working With Director Walter Salles

Above is a still from On the Road of Kristen Stewart doing the “Who wants to lick these pits?” pose while going for a topless drive with Sam Riley and Garrett Hedlund. If you want to see the NSFW and de-RPattz’d version of this pic, click here. Maybe it’s just the picture, but is KStew’s left nipple throwing a side-eye? It looks like a bean rolling off of a plate. Even her nipple is telling her to kindly exit stage right.

So KStew talked to MTV News (via The New York Times of the UK) about working with On the Road’s director Walter Salles, and if Walter has a wife, his wife now knows what he’s really been doing when he tells her he’s taking a long walk on Pacific View Trail. Because KStew said this about working with Walter:

“You can do no wrong with [director Walter Salles]. He puts so much inside of you. In the four-week rehearsal process, it was okay to ask any question, to bring up any story, to really over-analyze everything and intellectualize everything. Once we got on set, it was so about just breathing and letting it happen. He put so much trust in us, so it was like, ‘Okay, so I have to take my clothes off?’ It’s so not a big [deal].”

Oh, I bet he put so much inside of you. But seriously, doesn’t Kristen Stewart know that you only have to bone the director while he’s casting the role you want. You don’t need to do it after you’ve already gotten the role! I swear.