Oh, It’s Just Lupita Nyong’o Flawlessly Working A Pair Of Formal Bike Shorts

The Glamour 2014 Women of the Year event was held last night in New York (hopefully it didn’t interfere with Cosmo’s Excellence in Pleasuring Your Man Awards), and one of said women being honored was Lupita Nyong’o, because – duh – she’s great. And to celebrate being crowned Best Woman or whatever, she rolled up to the event – chill as fuck – wearing a pair of formal bike shorts. Lupita don’t give a hot damn about a fancy gown! Lupita dresses for comfort!

As I mentioned yesterday, wearing clothes is hard, and sometimes you just want to keep it casual and let your down-low bits do their thing. Sometimes that means saying “Fuck Spanx!” and wearing a dress like a deflated hot air balloon, and other times that means pulling on a pair of shorts. I always wear shorts under my shorter skirts, for two reasons: so I can sit with my legs open when I start to get tired, and to ensure that no one catches a glimpse of my bits when I do so. Obviously Lupita feels the same way. But she knew that being honored with a Glammy calls for wearing something a little more formal than a pair of cut-off leggings, so she churched up a pair of white shorts with some rhinestones and beads. Leave it to that flawless bitch to be able to sit with her legs open and look classy as hell while doing it! Lupita truly is the woman of the year.

Here’s more of Lupita looking like a futuristic bike messenger bride at the Glammys last night, and more women at the Women of the Year event, including Jodie Foster, pussy lobbyist Amy Schumer, and the human definition of WERK IT HUNTY, Laverne Cox.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Mindy Kaling Dared To Utter The Following In Vogue: “I Don’t Want To Be Skinny”

Immediately after I read those words in Mindy Kaling’s Vogue interview, I ran around my house collecting all the candles I could, assembled a makeshift shrine out of a picture of Indigo from Rainbow Brite, an old DVD containing 6 burned episodes of The Office, a half-empty can of Diet Coke, a very empty bag of Doritos, and prayed that Anna Wintour hasn’t yet read the part of her interview where she dares to speak the six most offensive words one could ever say in the pages of Vogue. Bravery, thy name is Mindy Kaling:

“There’s a whole list of things I would probably change about myself. For example, I’m always trying to lose fifteen pounds. But I never need to be skinny. I don’t want to be skinny. I’m constantly in a state of self-improvement.”

Or maybe Anna has read it, but hasn’t yet had time to mark Mindy for death because she’s been too busy hanging out with Remus and Romulus. Then again, maybe reading the words “lose fifteen pounds” was enough to keep Mindy in her good graces. After all, Anna Wintour’s definition of ‘skinny’ is probably a picture of a sick science class skeleton (which would define “thin” as a healthy 80-90lbs, and “slim” as teetering on the edge of obese). There’s a good chance she read ‘I don’t want to be skinny’ and lovingly hissed: “Of course not, my dear! The goal isn’t skinny; it’s slenderly gaunt.”

Regardless, just to be safe, I’ll be thumbing a rosary for her all night (ew, not like that).

Pic: Vogue