All in all, it’s been a good year for punting longstanding, depressingly popular, reality-family freak shows off the air. Society finally managed to rid itself of the vapid, 20-season, shrieking shrew-fest that was KUWTK, and now we learned earlier this week that TLC has stepped up and shoved a rusty IUD and day-late, dollar-short condom on the busted Duggar birthing machine that was Counting On. The serial-birthing architects of this Quiverfull-driven empire, Jim Bob Duggar and his wife, Michelle Duggar, have now issued statements in response to the show’s cancellation.
Many have a microwave bag of popcorn in their kitchen cabinet marked “Reserved For The Fall Of The Duggars,” and well, you may soon be able to pull that out, pop it, season it with some holy water and frankincense, and toss satisfying kernel after satisfying kernel into your mouth while watching the Duggars get theirs. Because there’s several reports claiming that Homeland Security raided the Duggar’s compound in Tontitown, Arkansas over the weekend, and a rep for HSI confirmed that they were there as part of an ongoing federal criminal investigation. But since the Duggar’s First Commandment is Thou Shalt Lie To Save Face, they are clutching their version of the bible (read: bank records and legal documents they probably don’t want the feds to see) all surprised-like at this “fake news.”
What happens when religious fundamentalism meets the English language? Chaos, apparently. People is reporting that Michelle Duggar–AKA the vaginal equivalent to the Wardrobe in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe–was so offended by the unholy name of a popular food dish that she literally changed its whole ass name and calls it something else. While promoting Jesus’ Rise on Easter weekend, she let it be known that you heathens can fill your sinful mouths with deviled eggs, but she and her holy family are going to be busy munching on “yellow pocket angel eggs” you motherfucking demons! Continue reading