Detective La Toya’s New Music Video!

When Detective La Toya dedicated her single “Home” to her brother she said that she wasn’t going to do any press for it or make a music video. Weeeeeeeeeeeell, she didn’t mean any of that, because here’s a video for the song. Toy Toy made it for all of her fans (aka her plastic surgeon and me). The video can be downloaded at iTunes and all proceeds go to the Toy Toy Will Get To The Bottom of Everything Foundation. No, proceeds go to AIDS Project LA.

The video, which I’m pretty sure was directed by Olan Mills, shows a virginal Toy Toy reminiscing about her childhood while trolling around Mimi’s “Always Be My Baby“ set. It’s a truly precious video, but I kept waiting for Joe Jackson to pop out from behind that tree with a switch in his hand.

VIA La Toya Experience (Thanks Ego)

Michael Jackson’s Death Officially Ruled A Homicide

The Los Angeles County’s coroner’s report on the death of Michael Jackson was just released and they officially ruled his death a homicide. There’s La Toya giving you “I Told You So” eyes for the second time this week. We know, Toya. We Know.

They listed his cause of death as “acute propofol intoxication.” This isn’t all that shocking since it was already reported that Michael’s private doctor, Dr. Con, gave him a shot of propofol on the day of his death after feeding him a bunch of other drugs.

The coroner also stated that in addition to propofal, Lorazepam was also responsible for his death. Other drugs found in his system were: midazolam, diazepam, lidocaine, and ephedrine.

The L.A. Times says that the full toxicology report isn’t going to be released at this time, because the LAPD has put a security hold on it.

Also, People reports that two bags of the good shit were found by police at Michael’s house shortly after he died. Michael never struck me as the stoner type. Debbie Rowe and Bubbles, yes. But not Michael.

A Gentle Kiss From A Zombie…..

You decide who is the zombie here (SPOILER ALERT: They both are).

Detective La Toya, who is working on a case where she has to go undercover as a slutty majorette, shared a meal with Larry King and his trophy piece at Spago’s in Beverly Hills last night. Larry just sat there licking up the dust off of discarded chicken bones while La Toya rattled on about the mysteries of life. Seriously, who knows what they talked about, but nothing good can come of it. And by “nothing good,” I mean everything right.

La Toya Jackson Knew All Along

This morning, La Toya Jackson is lying back in her puffy leather armchair, cleaning her magnifying glass and patting her hound dog on the head for a job well done, because Michael Jackson’s death was ruled a homicide. And this is what she was saying since the beginning! La Toya finally got the bottom of things and she was right. Yesterday, La Toya issued this statement:

“I am thankful to the investigators for uncovering the truth to the world. And I look forward to the day that justice will be to served to all the parties involved in my brother’s homicide.”

But won’t worry, this isn’t the last you’ve heard from La Toya! On September 11th, ABC will air an interview La Toya did with Barbara Walters. ABC says it is a “no-holds-barred interview will cover topics including La Toya Jackson’s impressions of Michael Jackson’s children and her insight into the Jackson family.”

Personally, I’d rather see La Toya perform “Hot Potato” with Tater Head Willis, but I’ll take what I can get.

Also, La Toya will fill in for Elisabeth Hasselcrack on September 16th and September 18th on The View. La Toya’s got that spotlight in her nalgas cheeks and she’s not about to fart it out anytime soon!

Michael Jackson’s Death Ruled A Homicide

Shit just got real. The L.A. County Coroner has ruled Michael Jackson’s death a homicide. The L.A. Times reports that a search warrant filed in Houston states that after an autopsy was conducted, deadly amounts of of the anesthetic propofol were found in Michael’s body. This means that Michael’s doctor, Dr. Conrad Murray, will most likely face criminal charges.

Dr. Con had admitted to detectives that he gave Michael 50 milligrams of propofol every day. Dr. Con also said he was afraid Michael was starting to get addicted to the shit, so he tried to wean him off. Dr. Con?! More like Dr. Obvious!

Dr. Con lowered the dosage to 25 milligrams, but also mixed in a little lorazepam and midazolam.

On the morning of Michael’s death, Dr. Con said he tried to get him to sleep without using propofol, so he gave him a valium at 1:30. When that didn’t work, he gave him a shot of lorazepam thirty minutes later. And when that didn’t work, he gave him a shot of midazolam thirty minutes after that. As the hours went by, Dr. Con kept feeding Michael various drugs, but nothing was working. At 10:40am, Michael demanded that Dr. Con give him a shot of propofol. Dr. Con gave in. After he gave him the propofol, he went to the bathroom. When he came back 2 minutes later, Michael was not breathing.

The cops found 8 bottles of propfol in Michael’s home, but none of it traces back to Dr. Con. They aren’t sure who purchased it or where. Other pills and vials found in Michael’s house were prescribed by various doctors including Dr. Con, Dr. Arnold Klein and Dr. Allan Metzger.

All I can say is that…LA TOYA JACKSON WAS RIGHT!!! We should never ever doubt anything she says ever again! La Toya Jackson knows. Always.

La Toya’s Dancing Dreams Have Been Put On Hold

The new season of Dancing For Relevancy just got a little less glamorous…and a lot less crazy. That’s because La Toya Jackson will not be shimmying her plastic parts after all. Earlier this week, my soul got tingly when reading about the possibility of La Toya joining the cast. But La Toya has shot those rumors down with a ping pong out of her vag (TALENT!!), because she said it wouldn’t be appropriate. HA!

Toy told Access Hollywood (via Reuters), “I’ve been approached to do ‘ Dancing with the Stars.’ The fact of the matter is, I won’t be doing it, simply because of the circumstances that (are) going on at the moment.”

Yes, La Toya actually got bit by the “class and taste” bug. I don’t like it. HOWEVER, La Toya did go on to queef that even though she’s not ready to join DWTS, she is open to judging American Idol. FUCK YES. We’re finally talking real shit here. The only person who can replace a crazy is a fellow crazy. I would suggest Courtney Love, but she’s permanently stuck in a Twitter-hole, so Toya is the next best option!

Here’s La Toya taking a quick break from SOLVING EVERYTHING to hand out groceries and pose pose pose at AIDS Project LA yesterday.