Do You Blame Her?

Larry King’s wifey #6 (or 7?) has checked herself into rehab for an addiction to painkillers reports Page Six. 48-year-old Shawn Southwick King has been married to 7,689-year-old Larry King for 10 years. They have two brats together.

A friend of Larry’s said, “Shawn is in rehab for medication issues related to her chronic migraine problem.” He forgot to mention that Shawn’s vagina is also in rehab for severe emotional trauma due to years of having to kiss and hug Larry’s shriveled up snail.

If you were married to the dead, you would be on heroin, PCP, meth, ludes, coke, painkillers, Nyquil, booze, freon, peyote, jankem and more! Your kitchen would look like a Miami Vice episode.

You know that when Shawn checked into rehab, the rehab bitch asked her, “So what brings you here?” She responded, “I’m married to Larry King.” Rehab bitch shouted, “Give her the works!”

What Would Angie Say?

Angie Jo’s favorite make-out partner and brother, James Haven, went to the Lakers-Celtics game last night with his daddy, Jon Voight. Last year, James and Jonny had a bitch fight in the press. Have these two kissed and made up? If they did, I hope they didn’t use tongue.

This is also the first time I’ve seen James Haven’s eyeballs completely in their sockets. I sort of miss his bulging frog eyes.

What A Pretty Lady….

I’m not talking about Gayken! Homegirl wishes! I’m talking about his hot mom, Faye Parker. You know Gayken has worn that same dress for his bedroom mirror performance of Barbara Mandrell’s “If Loving You Is Wrong (I Don’t Want To Be Right).”

The mommy-to-be and his memaw-to-be were in DC last night. TMZ reports that Gayken is having a baby boy! He’s totally going to name him Prince Gayken. His nickname will be “Quilt.” Seriously, this is some Jacko shit.

In case you have no idea what I’m talking about or your brain blocked it out, Gayken gave up his lady jizz to his 50-year-old best friend Jaymes Foster. Jaymes is a chick. She’s due in August. And no, he didn’t stick it in. Not even the tip! They’re having a turkey baster baby.

There’s Hope For Claymates Everywhere!

Clay Gayken really does shake ovaries! Ugh. That made me sick. TMZ reports that Gayken is going to be mama je’e. More like a gaya je’e. Sources tell them that Gayken’s best friend, 50-year-old Jaymes Foster, is knocked up with his spawn! She’s the sister of David Foster and is also a music producer herself. She’s produced several of Gayken’s records and now she’s producing his baby.

Jaymes is a divorcee with no kids. She’s apparently due in August. She was artificially inseminated with Gayken’s sperm and he plans to take an active role in the kid’s life.

Great. This is going to make those 50-year-old Claymates in mom jeans even crazier. They are going to shake their ovaries at Gayken hoping he will impregnate their old asses.

Below is a picture of the two proud mommies.

You Go Girl!

It was a gay ole’ time at the Virgin Megastore Times Square in NYC today. Clay Gayken signed copies of his new music for 55-year-old vagina called “On My Way Here…..I Ate A Dick.”

I’m pissed that the photographers didn’t get some wonderful shots of Gayken’s Claymates! I can picture them in their mom jeans, puffy paint t-shirts, denim vests and Easy Spirit sneakers in pink. The pink is for Gayken, because that’s his favorite color. The janitor must have been dry heaving after the signing. Imagine mopping up all that old lady vagina water. Wrong.

TomKat Better Watch It….

There’s a new look-alike power lesbian couple in town!

Clay Gayken almost wore the same outfit as his date! Talk about dodging an embarrassing bullet. To be honest, Gayken’s rack would have looked more luscious in that dress.

Gayken and one of his “Spermalot” cast mates were photographed leaving a performance of “The Lion King” last night. I’m sure the night ended with the two doing each other’s roots while talking about the best and worst vibrators.

UPDATE: Gayken isn’t coming from The Liong King. He’s coming from the Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS Easter Bonnet competition. Gayken and his Spermalot cast mate performed a song together.