Happy Thursday, Here’s Some Uncensored Weiner

Ever since the second (or is it third, I’m losing track) Anthony Weiner sext scandal hit, some have been waiting for him to pull out of the mayoral race while I’ve been waiting for somebody, ANYBODY, to pull out the newest pictures of his unblurred danger dick. Because how in the hell can there be a dick pic scandal without the uncensored dick pics for us to clutch our anal beads over? That’s just un-American. Well, The Dirty, who broke the whole lukewarm Carlos Danger sex scandal, heard the cries of the American people’s genitals and released the Weiner. The Dirty’s Nik Richie did it, because he believes that the people of New York deserve better and I agree. The people of New York and America don’t deserve censored peen. Doesn’t it say in The Constitution, or something, that every citizen has the right to free speech and the right to see the SANS BLURRED dick pics that a mayoral candidate sexted to some chick? Yes, yes it does.

Nik Richie explained The Dirty’s decision with this extra dramatic statement:

Today is the first time in our company history that TheDirty.com has published extreme nude images without censor because New York deserves better leadership than this.

Let your voices be heard and demand that Anthony Weiner aka Carlos Danger withdraws immediately from the mayoral race. Now is your time, your opportunity to positively shift the focus of the mainstream media and the culture of politics in the United States.- nik

The Dirty has the uncensored pics, but you can also click (NSFW) here and here to see them.

If I still lived in New York, I don’t know if I’d vote for Carlos Danger. I mean, how can I vote for a man who seriously takes a picture of his pink mushroom head poking out of his chonies all coy-like. It looks like an innocent ingenue giggling while covering half of her face with a lacy fan. I CAN’T! There are only so many seconds in the day and I really don’t want spend any of those seconds looking at some peek-a-boo peen. The dick of a future NYC mayor should jump all the way out and stand proud. The lighting is all wrong, it’s not fully hard and I can see more of his beautifully pedicured feet than I can of his Mushroom Kingdom soldier. Carlos Danger has got to do better.

In Case You Missed It, Weiner Gets Teased

Anthony Weiner finally closed the Weinergate by announcing he’s resigning from the House of Representatives during a press conference this afternoon in Brooklyn. All because he simply sent a trick a picture of his democradick (I’m sorry)! Facebook fucking and webcam dick pictures has claimed another!

And it’s a little fitting that this whole mess ended the same way it started: with some ho asking the question, “Are you more than seven inches?” Benjy from The Howard Stern Show heckled Weiner during his speech and shouted shit like “Were you fully erect?” and “Bye bye pervert!” Weiner kept his head up, stayed hard and didn’t waver (put your hand down your pants and read that again for a quick jolt).

There was no way Weiner was going to break. Nancy Pelosi already yelled those same exact lines at him in the locker room, so he’s used to it by now.

Source: MSNBC via Buzzfeed

Treatment For Weiner

Nancy Pelosi wants Weiner to pull out of congress, his wife is pregnant with their first child, he was under investigation for possibly making Chris Hansen’s brow lift by having an online relationship with a 17 year old girl and so naturally he’s trying to solve all of his problems by checking into a Tweetment treatment center! Because when all else fails, hide your face (and wang) in rehab!

A rep for Anthony Weiner’s office didn’t say if he was officially going to resign (the rumor is he’s going to do so next week when his wife comes back from the Middle East), but she did issue a statement of words which basically translates into “We hit the DAMAGE CONTROL button and it opened a trap door to rehab.”

“Congressman Weiner departed this morning to seek professional treatment to focus on becoming a better husband and healthier person. In light of that, he will request a short leave of absence from the House of Representatives so that he can get evaluated and map out a course of treatment to make himself well.”

Congressman Weiner takes the views of his colleagues very seriously and has determined that he needs this time to get healthy and make the best decision possible for himself, his family and his constituents.”

Oh, I see he’s going to that same rehab for dumb fucks Tiger Woods graduated from. First of all, a grown ass man talking to a teenager whose parents he doesn’t know is never a good thing. It might end with your wrists in plastic handcuffs and Chris Hansen throwing you looks of judgement with those sultry eyes of his. Stay away from teenagers completely (that is a rule for everybody).

Second of all, I have the judgement of a cat in heat and the brain of a discarded garden toilet, and even I know how to take naked pictures if I don’t want to get caught. Never show even a tip of your chin and always pose in front of a green screen so you can Photoshop in your background of choice. Always use an off-shore e-mail address (that made no sense) and keep all copies of the pictures safely stored in a cock ring flash drive. It’s not hard.

Does the 9th district really want a congressman who doesn’t know how to do cyber ho shit the right way?