Category: 2018 Oscars
Frances McDormand Encouraged Hollywood To Add Inclusion Riders
Last night, the Academy did what everyone knew they were going to do and gave Frances McDormand the award for Best Actress for her performance in Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri. And Frances McDormand delivered what we all expected of her: the outfit equivalent of cranking back a La-Z-Boy in the den, and a frantic acceptance speech free of fucks.
Faye Dunaway And Warren Beatty Got It Right This Time
Or did they….?
I wouldn’t be surprised if the new PricewaterhouseCoopers accountants were too busy doing tequila shots out of Helen Mirren’s belly button backstage that they accidentally put the wrong card in the wrong envelope and Get Out was the true winner!
Let’s Just Go With “Yes, Cookie Lyon Totally Took A Subtle Shit On Ryan Seacrest On The Oscars Red Carpet” (UPDATE)
There were only 3 reasons to watch the E! Oscars red carpet tonight:
- To work out your cringing muscles from watching and listening to Giuliana Rancic, who looked like Zombie Elsa from Frozen, and Ryan Seacrest blabber out manufactured bullshit as though they care.
- You have a serious kind of insomnia and needed something to bore you into mimi times.
- To get high from the smoke blowing out of alleged sexual harassing animatronic troll Ryan Seacrest as he gets read by someone for being an alleged sexual harassing animatronic troll.
I watched for the third reason, and Taraji P. Henson may have given it to us in a subtle way.
It seems like the rumor about publicists keeping their clients away from Ryan like he was carbs was true. Many of the nominees didn’t stop for him, and I kept waiting for the producers to put Giuliana in a Margot Robbie wig and force her to do an Australian accent so they’d have something. But then along came Taraji P. Henson who delivered a line to Ryan that has made some people ask, “Did Cookie Lyon just shade Ryan Seacrest so hard that his bronzer melted off his face?” Even if she didn’t mean to, I’m going with: FUCK YES. Cookie Lyon always knows what she’s saying.
Ryan asked Taraji about Mary J. Blige, whose performance she introduced at the Oscars tonight. While staring right at him with a “Bitch, you gonna get it one of these days” smile on her face, she said:
“You know, the universe has a way of taking care of the good people. You know what I mean?”
Now that is shade. So subtle and smooth that the trick in charge of E!’s alleged 30-second delay didn’t know what hit them.
And a millisecond later, Ryan’s dermatologist scheduled him in for an emergency Botox appointment later tonight because they knew he’d need once since Cookie just gave him some new wrinkles.
UPDATE: Taraji tells People that her comments were twisted, and she supports him:
“I did it to keep his chin up. It’s an awkward position to be in. He’s been cleared but anyone can say anything.”
DAMN YOU, COOKIE! Couldn’t you have just let us believe you were putting a curse on that diabolical gnome?!
Holy shit Taraji just put a curse on Ryan Seacrest ? pic.twitter.com/GSknn3NozF
— Sara Jean Hughes (@sarajeanhughes) March 5, 2018
Pic: Twitter
Oscars Open Post: Hosted By Frances McDormand In Pajamas And Slippers
Like she has this entire awards season, Frances McDormand won another Best Actress doorstop last night at the Independent Spirit Awards for playing a fuck-free vengeful mom in the word problematic’s favorite movie of the year Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri. Frances became one of my favorite fashion icons in 2011 when she dressed like an assistant manager at the Gap to the Tonys, and she continued to be the fashion legend that she is at the Independent Spirit Awards by wearing what I’m going to wear while watching the Oscars tonight: pajamas, slippers and “I’ve been in bed for two days and haven’t even looked at a brush” hair . Although, since I’m much more formal than Frances, I’m going to accessorize my pajamas with a stunning Fritos crumbs necklace, a nacho cheese stain brooch and red wine stained lips.
The Independent Spirit Awards are a zillion times shorter than the Oscars (which will end by Tuesday morning if we’re lucky), so my guess is that Frances is going to show up tonight in a pillow strapped to the back of her head and a stunning bed comforter gown (like this). Frances’ pjs and slippers ensemble (which let’s be real, look fancy and probably cost more than my entire wardrobe combined) wasn’t the only good thing she brought to the Spirit Awards. Frances also brought a perfect speech where she gave a shout out to Hot Dog on a Stick, cursed a lot and paid homage to the beautiful poetry of the fuck word.
Frances is probably going to win another Oscar tonight, so I hope she keeps the fingers of the censors busy by give another ode to the poetic fuck word. Or maybe she’ll hand her award over to Saoirse Ronan or Margot Robbie, and not only because of what she said at the SAGs about how the youngins should get some awards too. But also because she’ll be too comfortable in her comforter gown and pillow headdress to get up.
Pic: YouTube
Warren Beatty And Faye Dunaway Will Present The Best Picture Oscar Again
They say lightning never strikes twice, or at least that must be what Oscar producers, Faye Dunaway, and Warren Beatty are telling themselves to get through the next few days. A snitch inside rehearsals for this weekend’s Academy Awards ceremony says Faye and Warren will be back to present the Best Picture nominee…what could possibly go wrong?! Continue reading
Some Hollywood Publicists Have Planned To Keep Their Clients Away From Ryan Seacrest On The Oscars Red Carpet
Ryan Seacrest hasn’t had such a great time in the press this week. Suzie Hardy – the former wardrobe stylist who first came forward with sexual harassment allegations against him – decided to spill the alleged details to Variety. The allegations ranged from unwanted romantic attention all the way up to crotch-grabbing and boner-rubbing. Ryan’s attorney released a statement accusing Suzie of a $15 million shake down, and Ryan himself followed that up by releasing his own statement. Still, the allegations may keep celebrities from wanting to talk to him at the Oscars on Sunday.