Faye Dunaway And Warren Beatty Got It Right This Time

Or did they….?

I wouldn’t be surprised if the new PricewaterhouseCoopers accountants were too busy doing tequila shots out of Helen Mirren’s belly button backstage that they accidentally put the wrong card in the wrong envelope and Get Out was the true winner!

If your tip gets moist every time you walk by the fish section at the grocery store, then first of all, you’re SUCIO, and second of all, your kink has gone mainstream. Because tonight at the Oscars, Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty tried the whole “presenting Best Picture” thing again, and this time there were no fuck ups. The Shape of Water won, and now we know that all of those old grizzled-up crusty Academy members get off on human/fish porn. Sick bitches, they should get banned for life from buying gold fish!

Here’s Faye and Warren getting it right, and Guillermo del Toro’s acceptance speech where he let all the fish fuckers of the world know that it’s okay to be a fish fucker (he didn’t say that):

I saw The Shape of Water, and sure, it was whatever, but it wasn’t as riveting as the looks and arm-grabs that Guillermo del Toro’s Oscar date gave him throughout the show tonight.

That lady in the gold behind them: that is me.

The full list of winners is below, and altogether now: THE BOSS BABY WAS ROBBED!

Best Picture: The Shape of Water

Best Director: Guillermo del Toro, The Shape of Water

Best Actor: Gary Oldman, Darkest Hour

Best Actress: Frances McDormand, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

Best Supporting Actor: Sam Rockwell, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

Best Supporting Actress: Allison Janney, I, Tonya

Best Original Screenplay: Jordan Peele, Get Out

Best Adapted Screenplay: James Ivory, Call Me by Your Name

Best Foreign Language Film: A Fantastic Woman

Best Animated Feature: Coco

Best Visual Effects: Blade Runner 2049

Best Cinematography: Roger A. Deakins, Blade Runner 2049

Best Original Score: Alexandre Desplat, The Shape of Water

Best Original Song: “Remember Me,” Coco, Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez

Best Makeup and Hairstyling: Darkest Hour

Best Costume Design: Phantom Thread

Best Production Design: The Shape of Water

Best Film Editing: Dunkirk

Best Documentary Feature: Icarus

Best Sound Editing: Dunkirk

Sound Mixing: Dunkirk

Best Documentary Short Subject: Heaven Is a Traffic Jam on the 405

Best Live Action Short Film: The Silent Child

Best Animated Short Film: Dear Basketball

Pics: ABC, @michcoll