Brooke Mueller thought the kids were being quiet on the way home from the Heineken brewery. – JimmyPaul

Runners-up:

They don’t get as much press as the Duggars, but the Drunkie family takes good care of their little angels too. – OurMissC

After she got pulled over, Reese Witherspoon breathed a sigh of relief, making sure her babies were okay in the backseat. – SANS FARDS

via Break

Conan O’Brien’s face twin and alien goddess Tilda Swinton finally woke up from her glass box nap and put on some couture (or “cature” as my cousin calls it) to pose in a spread for W Magazine. The picture above is my favorite, because it’s a mix between January Jones’ frightened tampon, Jim Bob Duggar’s traumatized sperm fish and something you’d see if you put a magnifying glass up to one of Nicole Kidman’s frozen forehead pores.

I shouldn’t even try to analyze or figure out Tilda’s art. I should just sit back and enjoy the Tilda, enjoy the ART!!! and enjoy all the WTF.

Following in the footsteps of Sam Champion, Thomas Roberts, Anderson Cooper and now Jenna Wolfe – another high profile TV newsperson is thinking of coming out of the closet to reveal they too are gay.

Everyone in the business knows the truth about the person we see on TV five days a week, however recently after life became much more public, the pressure is mounting.

It’s very difficult to let people into half of your life and then close the door. Now the door is open you cannot shut it. (Naughty But Nice via Blind Gossip)

NBC would totally force Matt Lauer to lie and say that he’s transgender and about to get gender reassignment surgery if it made Today the #1 morning show again, but I’m going to guess that this is really about Robin Roberts?

This month marks the 9th anniversary for this gay couple. 9 years that this B list mostly television actor who is one of the very few actors to continue having a career after this hit network teen type show went off the air a few years back has hid his boyfriend. That is a long, long time. (CDAN)

I’ve got nothing, so I’m just going to pull a name out of my wet dreams….and that name is Scott Speedman!

Staff at a Hamburg sex shop say they were surprised to see which pop star – a favourite of Princess Di – buying glide gel, a dildo, and a special device with a cockring-like base and a dolphin-shaped vibrating tip? (Pop Bitch via Blind Gossip)

Elton John, and I have a feeling that Princess Di would totally approve.

WHICH TV star is just as well known as a gigolo to married women in Manhattan? (Page Six via Blind Gossip)

Wolf Blitzer, of course!

This boyfriend of an A list celebrity is using some of the money he is getting paid by the celebrity to pay for escorts. The guy is an idiot to be risking the millions he could make by sticking with the celebrity. (CDAN)

Casper Smart? Well, at least he finally realized that buying dick on Rent Boy is way more discreet than trolling glory holes.

When adult celebrities choose to act in scandalous ways, we freely talk about it. However, when their children are involved, we are always a bit more hesitant.

In this particular case, though, the way these parents are handling their children is so unusual that we think it is fair game to discuss it.

This celebrity couple has more than one child. One or both members of the couple has been married before, and not all of their children are biologically related to both parents. Their children have been raised in the spotlight, and one or more of the children has already started working in the entertainment industry.

They would like their children to be married someday and to produce grandchildren. Pretty normal stuff, right? However, the way that they are going about it is both unorthodox and unsettling.

A former employee told us that the couple has told staff: “The kids have been brought up with a very specific understanding of their role in this world. We expect them to marry someone who fits in so that they can support each other in that role. So we think it would be ideal if they paired off with each other and had children together to carry on the legacy we have created.”

That’s right! They are setting up their children to marry each other! To this end, the parents will be soon be purchasing property in the state of New Hampshire. Although they already own multiple homes, New Hampshire has the lowest marriageable age in the US (13 for the girl, 14 for the boy, as long as they have parental permission and a court waiver). As soon as both children are of age, they will be paired off and married to each other. Furthermore, they found out that if the daughter is pregnant, the court will certainly grant a waiver and that they can pull this off. Although they will continue to live with the parents, the child couple will be encouraged to have as many children as possible in order to continue the family legacy.

So far the children are going along with the plan. They have been carefully groomed to believe that this is a normal and natural arrangement. The whole family has often played “pretend wedding”, with the kids dressing us as bride and groom and going through a pretend ceremony. They do this so that when the time comes, they will be relaxed and ready to “dash” to the altar to do the real thing.

Not everyone in the household staff is cool with this arrangement. One employee has quit and one has been fired in the past year because they believe that it is wrong to force the children to do this, and they have threatened to report the parents to Child Services.

If you are wondering if both parents support this plan, the answer is yes. The woman is so dominant in this relationship (in more ways than one) that the man simply goes along with whatever she says. (Blind Gossip)

I can’t and I won’t. I’m just surprised that this isn’t about the Duggars. UPDATE: Duh. It was an April Fools joke. All day, I was trying to be so careful with that April Fools shit and then I fall for this. I would scream at Blind Gossip for tricking me, but I have to go buy a million baby presents for all my friends on Facebook who announced today that they’re knocked up.

The Duggars were finally forced to use birth control but it’s obvious they don’t know how to put on a condom properly. – NovaNightly

Runners-up:

What Goop sees when she looks at her kids. – Spaz de la Whoreta

The Michelin Man and his first wife, before he got famous, bleached his skin and married himself a whitewall. – bambam

The first known pictures of Kimora Lee Simmons’ neck finally surface. At last, the world finally knows where Baby Phat came from. – islandgirl

via Break.com

Which former sitcom star—a gal with a wacky, freewheeling sense of spirituality—used to breastfeed her pet possum while she got her hair colored, also making sure to have a wet nurse around to do the job when she was busy with something more important? (Village Voice via Blind Gossip)

Kirstie Alley? I mean, she does have a tiny zoo in her backyard. The only way we’ll know for sure if is we call every animal hospital in the L.A. area and ask them if a raspy-voiced crazy bitch has ever called to tell them that her pet possum sort of kind of chewed off her nip and swallowed it and she’s wondering how long before it shits it out. 

This immensely popular good ole boy show has a cast who all seem to be raging heterosexuals. Not so for one of the cast members who, despite having a gorgeous wife, also has a man he sees on the side when he travels to various industry conventions. (CDAN)

Jeb from Duck Dynasty? The dude who gets to get his b-hole tickled by that beard is one lucky ho. 

This C list celebrity reality offspring has been introducing himself to girls by telling them who he is and who he is related to and if they would like to get with him, they also need to be comfortable being shared with a couple of his friends too. He is a winner. I have also heard that to see his peen you need a microscope. (CDAN)

I want to say Jim Bob Duggar, but I’m going to go with Rob Kardashian? 

This still married A list mostly movie actor used an escort two nights ago. He stiffed her. He convinced her he would pay her after and then told her to get out when he was finished. She started screaming at him and he called hotel security to have her tossed out. (CDAN)

My only guess is Russell Crowe and he is all movies, so just like the hooker in this blind item, I’ve got nothing. This is why you always need to charge your john’s card first. No cash, no ass. Just another life lesson I learned from Pretty Woman. 

Michelle Duggar gets a new ‘do and a new use for her vagina. – chinchilla

Runners-up:

Looks like Leo didn’t want to pay for the styrofoam peanuts this shipment. – TexnDoc

Orville tried to keep his illegitimate daughter a secret, but she kept popping up anyways. – Danasaurus Sex

via Izismile