Taylor Hanson Is Going To Be A Father For The Seventh Time

September 16, 2020 / Posted by:

Watch out, world! There’s a virile young man on the scene who’s just announced his credentials for admittance to the hallowed annals of the Seven Spawn Club where he joins loin-based luminaries Flavor Flav and Clint Eastwood (who actually has 8 if you count the American Sniper baby). According to People, Taylor Hanson, 37, recently MMM’bopped a seventh zygote into his wife of 18 years, Natalie Hanson. Jude Law and Alec Baldwin are reported to be shaking in their pants over being lapped by this young upstart with decades of fertile rutting on the horizon. And he did it all with the assistance of a single uterus! What a Himshero! That’s what we’re calling a male Shero, right?

People reports:

The Hanson musician, 37, and his wife of 18 years, Natalie, are expecting their seventh child together, he announced on Instagram Tuesday alongside a sweet photo of the couple holding hands in a field.

“The best kind of unexpected. Number seven coming this December. #2020,” Taylor wrote.

In an exclusive statement to PEOPLE, he adds, “Our family is thrilled to be welcoming a new member later this year. More than ever, we are especially grateful for this fresh wave of joy.”

Notably, Taylor is one of seven children himself — in fact, he and brothers Zac and Isaac Hanson are the oldest in a family that includes another brother and three sisters.

The new Hanson baby will split their future inheritance with siblings Claude Indiana,1, Wilhelmina Jane, 8,  Viggo Moriah, 11, Penelope Anne, 15, River Samuel, 14, and Jordan Ezra, 18 next month. While it hasn’t yet been confirmed, the baby will probably be named Calliope Dungarees, regardless of gender. When Taylor’s branch of the Hanson family has enough to form a quorum, they will start a family band called Hansonsanddaughters.

Eddie Murphy, who currently has 10 kids, is rumored to have been reduced to a shambolic wreck by this news. He thought he had the Most Prolific Dick In Hollywood title in the bag (unlike his jizz which never ends up in the bag). In reality, Eddie never had a chance. Even Taylor at his relatively young age is going to have to get Natalie some sister-wives if he wants to beat Marlon Brando’s record which is estimated to be 15. ESTIMATED. Even if a few were adopted, that’s still some legends only shit.

Here are Taylor and Natalie’s respective Instagram announcements.

 

Damn, six kids already and still surprised that when the sperm hits that egg a baby gets made. What a striking condemnation of our nation’s failing sex education curriculum.

Pic: Instagram

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