Presley Gerber Continues to Make Good Decisions
Hi y’all! I’m Adam. I’m a freelance copywriter and playwright from Toronto, like Allison, Kristian, and Emily. Like most of you, I have enjoyed reading about Hot Sluts, Panty Creamers, and Jackie Stallone over the years, so it’s a GAG to be able to say that I am one of the new Dlisted writers! Now, needless to say, I love gossip––all kinds. I also love it when beautiful, rich people have children who turn out to be a constant source of embarrassment to them. Which brings me to my first ever Dlisted post:
Chances are, when you hear the name Presley Gerber, you immediately think:
who? “oh ya, that’s Cindy Crawford’s kid, the model. No, the other one.” Well, Presley is on to you. He knows that, despite being immensely blessed––financially and genetically––that the world is out to get him. How else could he explain his incredibly logical decision to visit a tattoo shop, slap down daddy’s hard-earned tequila money and ask for the word MISUNDERSTOOD to be imprinted on his mug? The 20-year-old Aaron Carter Lite is showing his 18-year-old sister Kaia Gerber that she’s not the only one who can make a shitty decision so early in life.
Taking a page out of the Avril Lavigne guidebook to edgy, post-pubescent behavior, Presley visited tattoo artist Jonathan “JonBoy” Valena yesterday and got the ink placed along his right cheekbone. JonBoy, who has also tattooed other luminaries like Justin Bieber and Kendall Jenner, and who somehow comes off as the most sensible person in this equation, shared his work on his own account and wrote, “Sorry mom” in the caption. More like, “Sorry mom, but it looks like you’re going to be carrying this fool for longer than you thought.”
Scrolling through his social feeds, Presley reminds me of someone who will be doing bong rips and shotgunning Monster cans in his parent’s pool house well into his 50s.
I mean, a DUI and a face tattoo before your 21st birthday is pretty impressive for someone so misunderstood. The only way he could have made this totally rational decision even more poignant is if he had stylized it as M!ssundaztood, but I think that tattoo is reserved for Chet Haze following his next fuck-up (T-minus 3, 2, 1…)
As for the sentiment behind this
cry for help tattoo, we should be asking ourselves, why? Why can’t this boy just be great? Why can’t the world leave him alone? The only thing more tragic than the tears of a clown are the tears of a streetwear model who can’t catch a break. While his face heals, maybe Presley should consider starting a support group for other pretty, privileged Hollywood brats. Conrad Hilton could give the keynote speech at their first meeting. And Alex Pettyfer could bring a Chex mix.