Owen Wilson Still Hasn’t Met His 1-Year-Old Daughter

Let this be a warning to any aspiring equestrians out there who think they can tame The Butterscotch Stallion. If you should bed him, you’ve got to expect that afterwards, he’s going to nicker fondly (if you’re lucky), flick his magnificent tail, and canter off into the sunset. A year ago, almost to the date, we reported that Owen Wilson had not yet met his daughter, Lyla, who he had with ex-girlfriend Varunie Vongsvirates. And according to Varunie, a year later, Owen still hasn’t managed to trot by the barn to meet his little filly. The Daily Mail, spoke to Varunie and she told them that he’s been meeting his financial obligations since he got Maury’ed By Mail, but it’s not about that. Varunie says Lyla needs a father.

The DM reports:

Owen Wilson’s ex-girlfriend Varunie Vongsvirates has begged the 50-year-old actor to get involved in their one-year-old daughter Lyla’s life.

The 35-year-old told DailyMail.com that her former lover is ‘not involved at all’ with their little girl and has ‘never’ even met his youngest child.

‘Owen has never met Lyla. Never,’ Vongsvirates explained while on a rare night out in Los Angeles. ‘He helps financially but it’s never been about that.’

Questioned about this, she added: ‘Lyla needs a father. It’s ironic how [Owen] keeps getting these father roles, he’s playing a father in his new movie, and he’s never met his own daughter.’

I’d argue that the bigger irony is that Owen also plays a father in real life. He has two sons with two other women. We know Owen spends time with 7-year-old Ford, who he had with Jade Duvall, and with 4-year-old Finn, who he had with his personal trainer Caroline Lindqvist, because he shared some parenting anecdotes about his boys on Ellen when he was doing press for Cars 3 in 2017.

Maybe Varuine should have given Lyla a cute Wes Anderson-y boy’s name like Fox or Felix. How does she expect Owen to come up with a cute anecdote about a girl? Named Lyla? He’s not that great of an actor! And Owen and Varuine dated on and off for almost 5 years so it’s not like he dipped once and bounced. They had a real relationship.

Asked if she had a message for her ex, Varunie said: ‘You should see your daughter, she’s incredible, you’re really missing out. She looks just like you.’

You ever get lashed with a horse tail? No, like a literal one that’s still attached to the horse, you perv. Well, that’s how they slap you in the face, and that shit hurts! Here’s Varunie in her own words.

That same day, DM caught Owen in New York looking like he picked up his entire outfit out of a random free box on the corner. And he was not in the mood. There are few sights that are sadder than a grown man with a droopy backpack and ill fitting coat, trying to make a quick escape on a folding bike. It’s the opposite of majestic! I’m beginning to wonder if Owen might be better described as The Butterscotch Jack Ass. And if he doesn’t want anymore kids, he should seriously consider asking his veterinarian to geld him.

Pic: Wenn.com