Lori Loughlin’s Family Is In “Chaos”
Lori Loughlin WISHES she could get roasted by Martha Stewart for looking schlubby in a pair of coveralls she didn’t even have to wear long enough that they require laundering. Speaking of laundering, Lori and her husband Mossimo Giannulli still insist that they don’t know nothing about it, have never even seen a washing machine let alone used one, and they certainly don’t know where all those wet $100 bills came from. Yet somehow, Lori and Mossimo got caught putting too much detergent in the washing machine, and just like when Bobby did that on The Brady Bunch, the avalanche of bubbles is sending their family into chaos!!!
Lori and her husband are facing multiple federal charges for allegedly paying $500,000 in bribes to get their daughters Olivia Jade and Isabella Giannulli into USC. And for whatever reason, Lori still seems more focused on public perception, than she is on federal prosecution. According to People, “a Loughlin source” has been working double time to make sure we know that Lori’s only crime was loving her girls too much. If that’s a crime, then lock her up and throw away the key! But if conspiracy to commit federal programs bribery, money laundering conspiracy, and conspiracy to commit mail and wire fraud are crimes, then she didn’t do it!
“The entire family is in chaos right now,” a Loughlin source tells PEOPLE. “They knew this was a possibility, but they thought perhaps it was just a bargaining tool from the prosecution. Now that the charges are official, they are realizing that there is no way to avoid a moderately long prison sentence, unless they are found not guilty in a trial.”
“She just wanted what was best for her daughters. And it has turned into an ongoing nightmare,” a Lori Loughlin source tells People.
Unfortunately for Lori, the feds are willing to let her questionable parenting slide, but not so much the other stuff. Which is totally unfair!
“They feel like this is David versus Goliath,” says the source. “How do you go up against the federal government when the government has decided to make an example out of you? This stress is about to break them.”
Break them? I wonder what that looks like. Are Lori and Mossimo going to literally go insane from the stress? Can we expect to see them roaming the streets of Bel Air naked, streaked with their own feces, and pulling their hair out in clumps? I have a feeling it’s more like they’re getting really bored with their Postmates delivery options so Lori decided to try to cook a meatloaf and it burned and she cried about it for an unreasonably long time, and Mossimo slept on the couch again. IT’S TEARING THEM APART!!!
But at least it seems to finally be sinking in just how much trouble they’re in. Lori’s reportedly admitted regret at not taking a deal like Felicity Huffman did.
“Does she regret not taking the deal? Of course she does, because it would have been easier,” says the source. “But taking the deal would have admitted guilt, and she believes she was duped by unscrupulous people who enriched themselves off of her. It is her position that she was not some sort of criminal mastermind.”
Somehow I missed that the feds were also prosecuting her for criminal mastermindery! This changes everything. Good luck getting that made up charge to stick!
Pic: Instagram