Jennifer Lawrence is about to become Jennifer Maroney, thus making her the second-best J. Maroney. But that also means JLaw needs one last wild night of single-girl debauchery, which for JLaw most likely will mean boozing, farting, falling, puking, and pissing in a $2000 Dior dress. And according to The Sun, said night will be planned by her friend Adele. I know some people aren’t here for bachelorette parties in gay bars, but I have a feeling this one will be welcomed.
The Sun claims Adele’s “hen party” is a surprise. A source says that it will be a “wild affair,” to make up for a previous bachelorette party she had earlier this year. Last month JLaw told the Naked With Catt Sadler podcast that she didn’t think she wanted a bachelorette party to celebrate her engagement to Cooke Maroney, and when she decided she did, it was at the last minute and no one could make it, which made her burst into tears. The only tears that will be shed at this bachelorette party will be the Botox tears that leak from Kris Jenner’s eyes during a freak muscle spasm. Kris and Kim Kardashian are reportedly on the guest list, a list that The Sun describes as being filled with “huge stars.” The source says:
“It’s all top secret at the moment but guests have slowly been receiving their invitations and it’s looking like it will be a wild affair. Jennifer loves to party so anything could happen on the day.”
And Kris and Kim better get used to the idea of leaving their phones at home, because Adele reportedly wants it to be a “classy” party with no photographs or videos making their way to social media. If Adele is going for class, she might want to start by taking an eraser to one or two names on that guest list.
This party might not end up so fun. After all, this is the same Adele who split from her husband Simon Konecki after nine years together. The second she picks up a glass of champagne to toast the future bride, the mood could aggressively shift from super fun to the general mood of an Adele album.
“Jennifer, it will be such a special day when Cooke declares his undying love for you while he slides that wedding ring on your finger. I remember when it happened to me. But the only rings I get from Simon now are rings on the phone from his divorce lawyer. Wait, someone grab a pen and a napkin, that’s a good potential lyric.”