Get thee to Angie’s List to book a contractor who can put your house on stilts. Build yourself an ark and get your family and any animals that won’t bite you on it. Learn how to scuba dive. Because Adele and her husband have separated and the album she’s going to get out of this will cause so many tears that the Earth will be covered in a salty flood.
People reports that Adele and her husband, entrepreneur-philanthropist Simon Konecki, are over after nine years together.
“Adele and her partner have separated,” the singer’s representative Benny Tarantini and Carl Fysh said in a statement to the Associated Press.
“They are committed to raising their son together lovingly. As always they ask for privacy. There will be no further comment.”
Stocks in tissues will rise even higher when people remember that Adele and Simon have a son together – Angelo Adkins, 6 – and sob even more of their insides out.
Adele, 30, and Simon, 44, went public with their relationship when they were spotted on an airboat ride in the Everglades together in January 2012, which is the same month she mentioned their relationship for the first time in a blog post. Even those crocodiles in the Everglades will be crying at this news and they’ll be real tears!
Angelo was born in October of that year, and the couple had split their time between homes in London and Beverly Hills.
Last month, she was spotted outside an NYC recording studio without her wedding ring in the same week that she was seen hanging out at NYC gay bar Pieces with Jennifer Lawrence. She must be in a bad way if she’s drowning her sorrows with “funny girl” JLaw. She must be looking for a reason to get toe-up busted drunk even more quickly to forget her sorrows and hanging with “regular girl” Jennifer Lawrence could do that.
A source told The Sun that Adele and Simon were heading for a split for years.
“This is a very sad situation – Adele and Simon had been living separate lives for some time. It was well known amongst their friends that this time they simply were not going to sort it out. They had been trying for years but eventually you have to accept that something just isn’t going to work.”
This is the week for marriages burning to cinders. Michelle Williams and her husband split after a year, as did Anna Camp and Skylar Astin from the Pitch Perfect franchise after two years. People in the entertainment business should just stay single until they’re no longer relevant and actually require emotional support and a stable relationship. Why else would you marry just to have it die shortly afterwards? Hell, even Kurt Russell got caught at a rub-n-tug parlor and he’s been with Goldie Hawn since the Mayflower. Love doesn’t work when you’re rich and famous!