Last month, Ivana Trump became single once again when she broke up with her ex-husband-turned-boyfriend, Rossano Rubicondi. The two had been together for over ten years, but I guess they just didn’t see eye-to-eye on the whole border situation. Just Kidding, you think these two nitwits give a shit about that? Ivana just got bored of him, saying their relationship had “run its course.” Rossano is taking it well, and now he’s talking shit about her kids–which I am fully here for and is a concept I support.
Rossano put up with Ivana’s terrible ain’t-shit-ass kids for ten years and he’s ready to vent about it. Page Six called Rossano to talk about the break-up, and first he said he has “good respect” for Ivana, which is like duh–obviously gotta keep that line-of-credit open. But he was ready to trash her kids. Of course he knows she probably won’t care since no one in the family really likes each other except for Donald Trump Jr. loving his dad and Donald Trump Sr. wanting to fuck his daughter.
Rossano went in on the kids, saying:
“In regards for the rest of the family, I am not [a] big a fan of it. They have been rude to me… again and again, I hear of them speaking in terms [that] I don’t appreciate it. I don’t care who is your father or mother, you do not talk to me like that.”
Well yeah, a guy named Rossano Rubicondi? They probably thought he was Mexican.
Rossano also seems to think that Ivana’s kids thought he was a gold digger, and I guess a bunch of money grubbers can spot a money grubber.
“No one touched a dollar or dime from their family…I don’t know [if that’s why they didn’t like me], but these people are all about money. They don’t have a heart. They are garbage.”
And here’s my fave roast of Don Jr.:
“Don Jr. is an idiot. He’s a jerk. Put it down: ‘You are a jerk.’ Put it in capital letters!”
YOU ARE A JERK. Page Six didn’t use caps! What kind of journalists are they? Rossana also said this deliciousness:
“They are nobody… They are disgusting. We are talking about kids who are so stupid, except Ivanka.”
Uh, beg to differ on that last opinion my friend, but I’ll let you continue:
“They are a piece of scum. Before they say anything about me, I will wash their mouth out with soap! They are disgrace for human being.”
Oh and by the end of the phone call he was pissed at Ivana too–shouting: “Shame on her!”– because he found out their break up had hit the Italian press. I guess that means bad press for his Rossano-To-Go side-hustle?
Listen, Rossano, far be it for me to give you money advice because I have like… none of it–but hear me out. This Rossano-To-Go thing? Not a money-maker. A tell-all about your experience being a Trump’s arm-candy for ten years? Money-maker! Tell us about shitting in the gold toilets. Let us know the grossest thing Donald said about Ivanka in front of the family. What racial slurs were hurled at the housekeepers? Just how physically-dumb is Eric Trump? Mama, it’s you or Melania Trump and if she goes first you’re gonna get a smaller paycheck–just saying. Tick, tock, Rossano, get to typing.