Since everyone is doing reboots these days they need to do a reboot of the old 1980s diamond encrusted circle jerk that was Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. And when they do they need to make sure that Cardi B and her estranged husband Offset are the very first guests because apparently they have all the money. For example, take this past Christmas where Offset came through drippin’ all over Cardi’s Christmas tree with gifts totaling way over $100,000.
Offset, who is no stranger to spending money like it came out of a Monopoly box, is still trying to win Cardi back after their their separation. He crashed her set at Rolling Loud Festival, he followed her to Puerto Rico, and when it looked like she took him back, she let us know she only wanted his scarecrow dick. He’s still at it, and what better way to do that then by purchasing a ton of gifts that equal most people’s annual salaries? Offset’s motto must be Go Broke Or Go Away because he made sure everything he purchased was name brand and nowhere near inexpensive. With assistance from personal shopping professionals, Offset opened up his wallet from the deep end and made it rain monsoons for Cardi, who posted the gaudy gifts to her Instagram Stories.
Just in case you’re a jeans and t-shirt guy like myself and have no idea what any of that shit is (nor do you care) I’ll break it down for you right now. Offset gifted his wife with four Hermes Birkin bags, then threw in two Chanel bags, one worth $5,600, all of which totaled over $135,000 . Yes, that’s just on bags. BUT WAIT! Then he copped her an assortment of Louboutin heels totaling $7,445. Finally, he gave her some jewelry, the most impressive of which were two new Cartier “Juste En Clou” bracelets which retail for $43,600 a piece. I’m not doing any more math because the grand total for me is “Fuck you both“. However, if forgiveness is a currency then Offset wins and Cardi better take his ass back before he goes broke trying to say I’m Sorry. And honestly, who needs to spend all of this money to get back in someone’s good graces when a simple “I promise not to screw anyone but you anymore” would suffice? But the good news for Offset is, that he might be able to tax deduct all of that crap since it has helped to keep this PR stunt going.