TMZ reports that Olympic-level hoof cover thrower Cardi B and her husband with the wandering
dick eye, Offset, were papped in Puerto Rico (where she performed) this week, cozied up on a jet ski. Are they back together? It looks like it. Then again, jet skis go super fast, and the ocean has sharks in it, and she could have been making like a backpack in a wig because she was terrified. And they just happened to both be vacationing at the same resort. And there was a jet ski shortage. So they had to share one. Ok, fine, they’re back together.
Some publicist must have reminded Cardi and Offset to look at their celebrity couple attention whores flowcharts. It’s time for figure 3A: Appearance of Reconciliation. This will shortly be followed by figure 3B: Reconciliation and then figure 3C: He Fucks Around On Her Again and then onto figure 4A: The Cycle Begins Anew. It’s just how the game is played.
Eyewitnesses tell TMZ they seemed very much like a couple as they laughed and played on and in the deep blue sea.
The on-again (?) marrieds were hanging with friends. Their baby daughter Kulture wasn’t on the beach with them but TMZ says it was a “safe bet” that she was there. She was probably back at the resort taking advantage of the “Treat Yourself To Luxury Because Your Parents Are Attention-Sucking Fools” massage and facial package at the baby day spa.
Officially, Cardi was in Puerto Rico because of the set she played at the Electric Holiday Festival in San Juan last night. There’s no word on whether Offset challenged the structural integrity of the venue by making hundreds of eyes roll in the audience by creeping on stage to ask Cardi dumb questions in the middle of her show.
She didn’t seem like she was into his (probably planned by their PR reps) ploy at the time, but it must have worked seeing as she was taking him from the back on that jet ski. Maybe she thought it was someone else, though? The one time I rode a jet ski, the spray from the ocean busted in my face so harshly that I couldn’t see a damn thing and might have been riding with the Creature from the Black Lagoon for all I know.
Cardi B and Offset Together on a Jet Ski in Puerto Rico!!! https://t.co/8pShoL0c8Z
— TMZ (@TMZ) December 21, 2018