Cardi B Isn’t Back Together With Offset, She Just Wanted To Get Laid 

December 24, 2018 / Posted by:

There’s been another update in the Cardi B/Offset break up publicity extravaganza. A few days ago, Bacardi Cardi and Offset had been spotted riding jet skis out in Puerto Rico where she was performing. That’s not the only thing Cardi was riding, as she let us all know the reason she’s been hanging around her “ex” is because she needed to get herself some good old-fashioned vitamin D.

TMZ is reporting that those jet ski pictures they got their hands on were actually the prelude to something steamier. Cardi got herself on Instagram and gave us a rundown. First of all, Cardi claims those pictures were leaked to the tabloids by a sneaky jet ski instructor who promised to send the pictures to the couple as memories and swore he would delete them (uh huh).

And she also explained why she was out and about with Offset: “I just had to get fucked, that’s all.” How is Cardi B always so far from my lifestyle and yet so eternally relatable? Watch Cardi tell you about her needs below:

Cardi is a rich celebrity so all she has to do is snap her cooch and she could get easy, local and hot dick, and yet she imported Offset for some? That makes sense.

Offset decided he would also comment on the matter, so he put up a video to Instagram where he dances to Michael Jackson and shows us some weak crotch humps which make me think his dick game is weak so I’m not sure what Cardi is getting “rejuvenated” from:

I’ve seen better air-humping on the streets of Toronto at 7:13 am when I’m getting off the subway.

I wonder how long until these two turn this charade all the way up and release a sex tape? Bring that back in style. Wait, I just looked at Offset’s moves again. I take that back. My eyes and stomach couldn’t take it.


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