Nikki Bella And John Cena Have Broken Up Again

July 30, 2018 / Posted by:

True love is dead. Well it is for Nikki Bella and John Cena. A bunch of other celebrities seem to still be in love but I’m sure they’ll be joining Nikki and John in Splitsville any day now.

People is reporting that the most romantic thing to happen in a wrestling ring (at least on camera) has come to a slow, sad, and totally not scripted conclusion. It was the season finale of Total Bellas last night, and we learned that Nikki called off her engagement to John about a month before they were supposed to get married. 

John and Nikki killed their engagement the first time earlier this year after she supposedly realized he didn’t want to ever put a baby in her, but to keep the natural drama going, he later said he did want to put a baby in her and wanted to marry her. But on last night’s season finale, after drama at the wedding rehearsal and Wrestlemania, Nikki isn’t sure she wants to go through with marrying John and he gives her an ultimatum and she must decide! Will they get married, will they stretch the storyline out into the next season of Total Bellas? Who knows? …The producers do.

“It’s tough ’cause he’s, like, fighting really hard for me. …The tables have kind of turned. I didn’t give myself long enough the first time we broke up because I got so excited he wanted kids,” Nikki said. I know, when a man tells you he’ll reload his penis for you, that’s fucking ROMANTIC. But Nikki knows now (the producers have been slipping her queue cards) that it is over:

“It just sucks. I wish it could be different, and I think that’s why I’ve had almost six years of working on us and fighting and just taking in a lot. I just feel like I’ve hit the point that I’m just so exhausted and done. He’s waiting for my final decision. I think I know it, but I’m just afraid to say it.”

The season finale cuts to a week later where the twins are reflecting on the past season (going over the producers’ notes) while drinking wine on the beach during which Nikki lets out yet another soap opera-quality monologue:

“Even though I was going through depression, I think when you have a relationship in the public eye, it’s like you don’t want to let your fans down. And everyone’s fairy tale was John and I getting married, Superman and Wonder Woman … so you just force yourself to believe it, too, even if you start to feel something different. I feel like I’m starting the journey of finding me again … and when I heal myself and find whats wrong with me, he will be there. And if not, it wasn’t meant to be.”

Since it’s reality TV and the “reality” part is heavily debatable, the show was obviously filmed many months ago. But the exciting update to their relationship is…… that they’re still broken up. In a YouTube video Nikki tells us that she and John are “just friends” despite People confirming in June they were back together. Womp-womp.

I guess we’ll never get to see a John Cena/Nikki Bella baby. We’ll never know what kind of intro music John’s baby would produce emerging from the womb. Would it have somersaulted? Thrown a tiny chair over it’s tiny head and shrieked like a demon? We’ll never know. Truly society has been robbed a happiness.


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