Cheryl And Liam Payne’s Real Estate Moves Are Making People Think They’re Splitting Up 

February 26, 2018 / Posted by:

Real estate by nature is just a barbaric, bloodthirsty industry. Just think about the average open house: some smiling middle-aged woman named Pam in a Talbots pantsuit hungry for a commission shows you around while describing the sounds of gunshots as “the charming soundtrack of an eclectic neighborhood” and a mildewed-to-death bathroom as “rustic chic.” Real estate moves of any kind are shady, and when you throw in celebrity real estate moves, that gives every tabloid editor a fever dream of a new home addition they’ll be able to afford with the breaking scoop. Rumors of Liam Payne and Cheryl doing some house plotting of their own is the reason du jour of why they most definitely are breaking up.

The Daily Record says to not let last week’s appearance at the BRITs by Cheryl and Liam fool you. Liam and Cheryl are definitely heading for a split, and it largely stems from 24-year-old Liam acting like most thirsty 24-year-olds do on social media. He posts a bunch of shirtless pics of himself, and his latest batch on his Instagram story involved “las chicas.” He was in Miami and speaking Spanish about as well as I did back in public school when I attempted to conjugate verbs. He was reading from some iPhone app.

TDR says Cheryl is pissy that Liam is away for weeks on end, and she was also pissy that Liam didn’t accompany her home from the BRITs. The Sun says Liam hasn’t spent a night at their Surrey mansion since the relationship misery reports dropped, but his Instagram story seems to show him enjoying the backyard today. Cheryl told a member of her team to find a real estate agent to find her a new home, because she’s planning on moving out. But a source claims that Cheryl is just looking for a bigger home for the entire family. The Mirror is also reporting Liam is selling a Los Angeles mansion he owns, but that sounds more from a result of it being haunted (I’m not even kidding) than relationship fissure.

A few days ago, Cheryl took to Twitter to seemingly crap on the break-up news:

While I’m usually inclined to think the woman with eighteen different last names is on her way to a break-up, I also think this story is a true bait-and-switch, you know? Like, when my sister-in-law is like, “Hey, C.J., wanna come over for some fresh pizza I’m making tonight?” And I’m like, “Why yes, Claudette, pizza is PRECISELY what I want tonight.” And then when I get over there, it’s just some cauliflower-crusted, vegan pepperoni shit, and suddenly I have to babysit. Way to promise us a Surrey mansion split, Daily Record, and instead, all we get is a North London, we’re-still-together cauliflower-crusted McMansion!


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