As The Brangelina Turns…Part 87,561

August 30, 2017 / Posted by:

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have emerged as the Ross and Rachel of Hollywood, and all of us are over here sitting on the side tables at Central Perk wondering how in HAIL is this they’re-getting-back-together/no-they-aren’t story going to end. Here’s how: Brad is going to be up the altar getting married to Sienna Miller, George Clooney, his sculptures, or some other valued treasure, and say Angelina’s name. Even then, it’s going to take another six seasons and twelve additions to the child army before they start bumping uglies again. GAH!

The latest episode of Brad and Angie comes courtesy of Life & Style. A source claims that Angie wants Brad back now that he’s cleaned up his shizz. Brad’s super sober these days, and the source says it’s giving Angelina the tingles.

“He looks great and feels great. This is the Brad she married, and Brad gets the impression Angie wants him to take her back.”

Pretty soon they’ll be back to vacationing near mine fields and building mansions in no time, right? Ehhh…. Ang is apparently playing coy. She just runs her finger up and down his letter jacket by his locker before homeroom, asking if he remembers the good times, and if he’s been getting any lately. Something like that. But another source said he’s all, “Bitch, I didn’t do this shit for you, so go back to Target hot dog hunting without me!” No they didn’t, but the did say Brad cleaned up for the kids, and not to impress her.

Don’t fret, Angie! You have six seasons of his “Oh, Ross!” behavior before you could possibly get that peen again. Not to mention that Den of Geek says you might have a Maleficent sequel in the works. So channel your rage when you put those horns on, and just imagine you’re smashing through his production studio and destroying all his Frank Ocean CDs when you have to go into full-fledged betch mode. From rage to paycheck, girl!


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