Brad Pitt Is Channeling The Sads Into High Art

March 21, 2017 / Posted by:

As Professor Dame St. Angie Jolie graced the brains of the peons with her knowledge at the London School of Economics, and her holy hard nipples graced the eyes of the Archbishop of Canterbury during a meeting, a sad Brad Pitt was making sad art while listening to sad songs. Future art historians will look to this period in time as the rich douche renaissance led by the masters James Franco, Shia LaBeouf and Brad Pitt!

The Daily Mail has pictures of Brad going into the art studio of his British artiste friend Thomas Houseago. They also have pictures of someone going full L.A. by vaping in a Tesla and they say that someone is Brad Pitt. The Daily Mail’s source adds that Brad has been spending hours upon hours in that studio using his hands to sculpt some art while listening to sad, sad songs by Bon Iver and Waylon Jennings. The Daily Mail’s source, who totally isn’t Brad PR whore, spilled out these words about serious artist Brad:

“He spends all night working on his art and listening to emotional songs. Everybody knows it’s related to what’s going on with him personally, but nobody says anything. He’s a quiet guy, and very humble. He’s learning at a fast pace. Art is a way for him to concentrate on one thing, taking his mind off everything else. He’d rather do that and be constructive than go out partying.”

People has the same story, so obviously that big-mouthed trick, Jacques Jolie-Pitt, is selling his human out to everyone for a quick dollar.

It looks like Brad’s post-split mid-life crisis is going really differently than Ben Affleck’s. I mean, he’s using his angst to make art into the early morning hours and he’s doing it while listening to sad songs. Bitch is a 7th grade emo kid. I bet he carries his art supplies in an Emily the Strange lunchbox, uses lyrics to a Dashboard Confessional song as his Hotmail email signature, and writes emotionally raw poetry on DeadJournal under the name ~*xxSAdLOrdBrADxx*~.

Brad is totally going to start dating emo princess Avril Lavigne and I can’t wait.


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