Angelina Jolie Doesn’t Want Brad Pitt Charged With Child Abuse

TMZ reports that alleged future Secretary-General of the United Nations (oh, like she’d turn it down!) Angelina Jolie is saying she won’t cooperate with law enforcement if they move to press child abuse charges against her ex Brad Pitt. stoner dad allegedly became raging dad on son Maddox, 15, onboard the family’s private jet a couple of weeks back. Despite Angie initially cooperating with investigating authorities (she reportedly told LA social workers that Brad hit Maddox in the face), sources say that she will go “radio silent” if the legals move to cuff him. Will this “radio silence” be done “Montenegro style?”

To recap, Angie currently has temporary full physical custody of their family. Brad is probably somewhere right now in a 7-Eleven located beside a drug testing facility wondering if they would recognize him if he attempted to microwave the piss he purchased (it wasn’t me, but that’s a true story).

There are conflicting reports about what went down on Flight 666.

Other sources say Brad did not strike his son in the face, but instead lunged at him and Angelina got in the way, causing Brad to inadvertently make contact with the boy’s shoulders.

Angelina, we’re told, has a singular focus … protecting her kids, not punishing Brad.

TMZ says that, since Maddox didn’t have any visible injuries on him and the reports were conflicting, they probably won’t attempt to prosecute Brad.

Whatever is happening, Angie and her high-society, United Nations-version of Taylor Swift’s Snake Squad are just toiling away with the lawyers and the e-mailin’ of the press. Please note that this battle’s not being fought on Snapchat, Instagram or Twitter. Using social media to one-up your ex in a divorce battle is NOT “Montenegro-style.”

Pic: WENN