St. Angie Jolie Reportedly Got Temporary Full Physical Custody Of The Child Army

September 30, 2016 / Posted by:

TMZ claims that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have agreed to a temporary custody agreement that will stay in place as they shank at each other in a lawyer’s office conference room while trying to work out a permanent agreement. The L.A. County Department of Children and Family Services, who are still investigating Brad’s alleged drunken meltdown on a jet, handed over their recommendations and gave Angie and Brad two options: take it or Crisco up their mugs and battle it out in court. They took it.

Sources (Hi, real-life Olivia Pope!) tell TMZ that Angie and Brad agreed to the following agreement which will last for the next 3 weeks:

Their 6 children will live with Angie full-time.

Brad gets visitation rights. A therapist will watch him during his first visit with the kids. If the therapist thinks it’s okay for Brad to hang out with his kids alone, the rest of the visits won’t be supervised. If not, the therapist will supervise every visit.

Brad will randomly get tested for drugs and booze. Brad was already tested and came up negative for both.

Therapy for everyone! Therapy for Angie! Therapy for Brad! And family therapy for Brad, Angie and the kids.

Once the 3 weeks is up, DCFS could either change the rules or let the courts deal with it.

So in other words, Angie got everything she wanted. It may seem like this agreement goes hard on Brad, but it’s not so bad. Now that he’s living alone, he can turn his house into a giant hot box and freely smoke the good shit without that judgmental ass St. Angie screaming at him about how he’s going to get one of the kids secondhand stoned. Oh wait, I just re-read the part about random drug testing.¬†Goddammit! Brad better get Jacques Jolie-Pitt certified as a therapy dog STAT! That way whenever Brad has to get drug tested, he¬†can insist that his therapy dog must go into the bathroom with him for “emotional support.” And by “emotional support” I mean “piss in the cup for Brad.” I hope Jacques Jolie-Pitt doesn’t get pee shy.


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