Lindsay Lohan And Dina Are Suing Fox News For Saying They Do Coke Together

Look at those two stunning pastel yellow angels; I bet that’s the first image that greets your eyes when you approach the gates of Heaven.

E! says that human cigarette Lindsay Lohan and the flawless icon of wino glamour who birthed her Dina Lohan are spending some quality mother-daughter bonding time by suing Fox News together. It all started back in February 2014 on an episode of Hannity, where Sean Hannity and some of his Fox pals were discussing the recent drug overdose of Philip Seymour Hoffman, before debating who might be next (stay classy, Fox News). That’s when Hannity panel guest Michelle Fields threw out Lindsay Lohan’s name and saying “Lindsay’s mom is doing cocaine with her.”

When White Oprah and the Apricot Ashtray heard this, they sent a letter to Fox News threatening them with legal action unless they apologize for tarnishing LiLo and Mama Dina’s pristine reputation with such LIES, so Fox issued an on-air retraction saying that Michelle Fields’ comment was never verified beforehand.

Now cut to sometime last week, when Dina and Lindsay were trawling the internet looking for some eligible singles with low expectation in their area when they came across the video from Hannity calling them mother-daughter coke heads. Apparently, they issued a retraction but forgot to remove the video from their website. So they rang up Dina’s attorney, Mark Jay Heller, who filed papers against Fox News, Sean Hannity, and Michelle Fields, on Monday accusing them of making “slanderous and defamatory” comments, and that letting the clip from Hannity circulate online for almost an entire year has caused Dina and LiLo to suffer the following:

“Severe mental and emotional distress; embarrassment and humiliation; pain and suffering; and economic loss, including loss of income, entertainment and acting contracts, present and future diminished income and economic opportunities.”

The documents claim they’re seeking compensation and punitive damages. SURPRISE SURPRISE.

I have no idea what will happen with this lawsuit, but I’m sure those freckled grifters have some kind of shady plan up their sleeve for the courtroom. “Your honor, we may have done cocaine. We may have done cocaine from the same baggie and off the same dirty table. But we have NEVER merged our nostrils together into one super-nostril and done cocaine together at the exact same time. Case closed! Ok, so can we get that money in unmarked non-consecutive bills please?“