WTF Is Wrong With People: The Justin Bieber Wannabe Edition

October 19, 2013 / Posted by:

This actually happened, and it’s way too early in this or any day for this fuckery.  Grab your coffee and throw in an extra two splashes of Irish Cream because you’re gonna need it.  Here’s what:  a grown ass man spent almost $100K over 5 years for surgery to transform himself into a pre-pubescent lesbian.  Now, I can get with transgender surgery if that’s what makes your nipples hard, but I can’t get with this.  I CAN’T.  Somewhere in the world, (LA, not Florida believe it or not) a 33 year old songwriter named Toby Sheldon decided that there was no better way to spend his life savings than cutting his face up to look like Justin Bieber.  People who want to look like a cat and like a sand candle left in the August sun are grateful to this guy for making their decisions look almost normal.

According to Complex Style, Toby got the surgery so that he too could have Bieber’s “smize”.  Can somebody kick Tyra Banks square in the culo for that phrase??  Fuck.  Anyway, he even got a 15K surgery to widen his smile to look just like the Biebs.  No word on what he paid for the bad skin.  DUDE.  Just speak as though your nuts haven’t dropped, sport a douchey hairstyle and some saggy ass MC Hammer knock off pants, paint Heath Ledger‘s Joker smile on with liquid eyeliner, act like a toddler that hasn’t gotten his snack or his favorite toy and you’ve got this for $17.50. You’re welcome.  Where the fuck was I when this guy needed a financial consultant?  I could have banked whatever the difference of $100K and $17.50 is.  Maths are hard, and it’s early.

The worst part (as if there could be a worst in this mess) is that he still doesn’t look like Justin Bieber.  He looks like a junior high school gym teacher named Ms. Barker with a mustache and a penchant for hanging out too long in the girls locker room during shower times.  FAIL.

Pics vai Complex Style

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