What In The Hell Happened To Madame Maxime and Hagrid?!

May 2, 2013 / Posted by:

This is what it would look like if Madame Maxime and Hagrid got really drunk and high one night and accidentally drank a potion, which turned her into a soulless, regular-sized Death Eater and him into a gay, beardless giant. What’s even more terrifying are those twin pillars of vomit on Andre Leon Talley’s hooves. ALT probably thought that he was fancying up those dark-sided Lucifer boots by monogramming his initials onto them. Nice try, Gay Hagrid, but a monogrammed pile of nut-embedded hyena shit is still a pile of nut-embedded hyena shit.

Actually, monogramming them is worse, because it’s telling the world that you’re claiming those horrifying boots made from the intestines of Satan’s slaves. If they weren’t monogrammed, ALT could say that the Illuminati kidnapped his entire family and made him spread the evil by wearing those UGGs. I might believe that story. But the fact that his initials are on them tells me that he’s actually proud to wear the Ninth Circle’s boot of choice. I barely even noticed ALT’s purple silk pajama pants and the oversized Christmas tree skirt on his body, which shows you the evil power of UGGs. And Anna Wintour is smirking, which means she’s totally in on it. Evil whores, the both of them.

You better cleanse your screen with holy water wipes as soon as you click away from this mess.

And here’s others at The Great Gatsby premiere in NYC last night. They’re all unholy bitches for not throwing holy water at ALT’s UGGs when they had the chance. In order: Leonardo DiCatchAHo, Carey Mulligan, Isla Fisher, Florence Welch, Tobey Maguire with his wife (the hell kind of toddler church outfit is she wearing?), Baz Luhrmann with Catherine Martin, Jay-Z, Anjelica Huston, Martha Stewart (wearing her favorite sequined capri leggings) and Joel Edgerton. 

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