TMZ reports that eminently arrestable comedian Katt Williams engaged in what seems to be his favorite pastime (being arrested) in Portland, Oregon yesterday morning. Katt is being accused of assaulting the driver of a town car that was supposed to be taking him to an appearance at Portland’s Moda Center. Maybe the driver mentioned how funny he thinks Tiffany Haddish is and Katt was tired of hearing about her again?
It’s been a couple of seconds since infinitely messy comedian Katt Williams has graced the digital pages of Dlisted with his signature style. Were there no 7th graders to beat down, Target cashiers to slap, or seafood restaurants in which to hurl salt shakers at faces, you ask? There probably were but Katt’s not one to revist his classics. He is, however, one to opine on our current crop of comedians in a tone and manner much like your “tell it like it is,” bitter-at-life auntie uses after she’s had too many eggnog cocktails at Christmastime. Katt addressed Tiffany Haddish’s blowing up big time, and pretty much says it’s because she’s into white guys. If so, those are some lucky white dudes.
For the past couple of years, Katt Williams has been living his life like it’s a sequel to Groundhog Day written by the makers of Grand Theft Auto. Every morning he woke up and got into another illegal shenanigan. It just kept happening over and over and over again. TMZ reports that a judge in Georgia has finally tried to put Katt on a temporary five-year fuckup hiatus by sentencing him to five years probation. “Good morning daddy, time to check in with your probation officer” is the new “Good morning daddy, time for some cereal.”
Katt Williams is 2016’s version of Pavlov’s Dog; you see his name, and you instantly prepare yourself for the news that the pocket-sized terror has done something shitty. Let’s get into what Katt did now, shall we?
I’m not even going to make you guess what it was for, because I’m 99.9% sure that everyone who read that headline just said “For fighting someone, right?“. Although to be honest, guessing that Katt Williams got arrested for fighting is right up there with answering “Yes” to the question “Is cheese delicious?” on the list of Questions With Truly Obvious Answers.
TMZ says that Katt Williams, seen above working The Nolte for the latest mugshot in his collection, was arrested for battery of a female employee at the Sportsman’s Lodge restaurant in Sherman Oaks, CA on Sunday morning. This marks the second time this year that Katt Williams was arrested for beating down an employee at a restaurant, was accused of whooping a woman, and the second time this month that he’s gotten into trouble. Does Katt Williams have a Times I’ve Fucked Up punch card he’s trying to fill?
The details of the fight are kind of murky. All TMZ really knows is that a female employee alleged that Katt Williams attacked her. According to police, the employee had visible minor injuries and was pretty adamant that they arrest Katt for battery. How the alleged fight started, no one can really say. But since it’s Katt Williams we’re talking about, do we really even need a reason why? I’m sure Katt Williams himself doesn’t require a reason to go full-Katt Williams on someone.
Katt was taken into custody around 2:40pm and was released around 6:30pm after posting $20,000 bail. And before Katt walked out the door of the police station, he turned to the booking officer and started belting out “We’ll Meet Again.” That didn’t actually happen, but I like to think that one of these days it will.
Pic: Los Angeles County Sheriff
“No, not Katt Williams” is what I’m sure you’re all screaming in a sarcastic fake-shocked monotone voice. But the answer is Katt Williams.
According to TMZ, Katt’s trouble started back on June 20th when he failed to show up to a court date in Georgia. Katt was supposed to be there to discuss that time back in April when he was charged with battery after he threw a salt shaker at a manager of a seafood restaurant (and then proceeded to flee the scene and hide out in a Waffle House). Katt was given 10 days to contact the court and explain why he wasn’t there.
After 10 days – and you’ll never believe this – Katt hadn’t contacted them with a reason. That’s when a judge issued a warrant for his arrest. The news of Katt’s latest arrest warrant broke yesterday, and he still hasn’t turned himself in or been caught by police. I believe this is Katt’s third warrant of 2016.
But where o’ where is Katt? The last time Katt was seen, he was dressed like a low-budget Flavor Flav impersonator and calling Tyler Perry a drag queen.
Uh oh. Katt’s fucked up a lot, but coming for Oprah’s favorite guy not named Stedman is a majorly bad move. Maybe Katt didn’t ditch his court date on purpose. Maybe he’s tied to a chair in Oprah’s screening room while her dogs administer eye drops and forces him to watch an advance copy of Boo! A Madea Halloween. I’m sure that’s not happening right now, but…the police might want to check there anyway, just to be sure.
Katt has no excuse for not calling in and explaining where he was. Even if he’s not near a phone, he could have always summoned his gang of witches and had them send a message over to the court in the mouth of a raven or through a Ouija board. There’s no excuse, Katt!